More Than Wanted
by faux nostalgia
Summary: as the undead offers a game of choices, two clueless lovers are about to make a mistake of their lifetime. Literally. [ InuKag, InuKik ] complete... i guess?
1. My Will

A/N: I dont own Inuyasha. rankly, I don't own anything from it except my fanfics and my fanarts. I'm reposting all the chapters because I wanted to changed it a little. I hope it's not a bother.

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MORE THAN WANTED

My Will 

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•?•

**Quietly awakening...  
I always, always wish  
that these fleeting thoughts  
would reach you...**  
—

It began with darkness. So, perhaps, it would end with light. If it originated with something so dark and mysterious, should it possibly conclude with a hint of lightness.

It began with confusion and slowly, surely persisted in making some sense. It originated with anger and impatience, and will end with love and respect. At least, that was what she hoped and wanted…

The battle began with darkness and it ended with that same impression and taste, rather than what she hoped for. She wasn't sure about happiness, but she was sure it would come to that.

The finality of victory over Naraku brought his reign to an end; the Warring States shall at last find their peace. For almost two and a half years of searching for the Shikon shards, as well as hunting the half-demon-turned-full called Nakaru and denying him his nearly achieved wishes, triumph had now shaded every color of her friend's faces and spirits, as well as hers.

There was a moment of silence, a long pause of hushed sound that lingered among the successful group. It had ended with darkness. Sort of. The blazing dark light, which Naraku had emerge out of that elusive body of his, exploded like a time bomb. It wasn't the darkness that made her want to scream and suffocate. It was more the poisonous toxic that soon came afterward; the quick flight of darkness upon the earth, slowly invading her senses and stinging her eyes.

She blinked several times but had no luck seeing clearly. The poison was slowly seeping all around the area, spouting from the colossal pool of black liquid that once was their nemesis, on the ground. Naraku's clothing dissolved as it fell into the puddle, sizzling and dissipating. Still, fumes of venomous haze clouded the area of the battlefield.

Kagome wheezed and covered her face, burying her nostrils deep unto her palm, hoping that she could only breathe in her own fragrance rather than die smelling Naraku's horrible stench. If she could just run and escape, she would have chosen to do so. However, the miasma's smoke shrouded both her and her injured friends. If she could have fallen on her knees, she would've done that, too. But she couldn't. She was paralyzed.

She coughed, suffocating under her hard-pressed palms. Tears rolled down her cheeks, her eyes turning red in bitter pain. She whiffed in her scent, although she couldn't breathe. She tried to smell her floral lotion, rather than the bitter-sour odor around her.

No matter how distant she stood from the once-ongoing battle, the noxious vapor was still able to reach; to a distance that could extinguish half of Feudal Japan. Her friends lay far from her, presumably unconscious or in an identical condition to hers. She wanted to help them, wanted to purify this fume but her strength was of no use.

When the haze reached her body, she wheezed, her throat attempting desperately to vomit out whatever it was inside her. She paled and sobbed, in desperate need. It had ended with darkness, just as it had started with darkness by Naraku, a villain long gone from this world. But when will this poisonous cloud end and make her world light again?

She gasped softly when something touched her. But…

It was then that she smelled moss and wood. She automatically moved her head upward in daze gazing upon the shadow that engulfed her body and head. The smell of familiar moss and forest came into her nose, a smell so familiar and calming. Her tensed muscles stopped but her wheezing, trembling, and weeping did not. Oh, the pain the poison was putting her eyes.

She wanted to get away, wanted to go back to her time, to get herself a long sleep from this dozen-day's battle, watching and worrying for loved ones. She aided them to the best she could, but thought of herself as of no use. What was she good for, a woman that could not even battle but only fight in one damn place where she notched purifying arrows and waited until one of her missiles indeed hit one of the puppets.

But it was over, isn't it? The whole battle against Naraku was accomplished… right?

The thought didn't seem to want to get through her head. She trembled, non-stop, and wept in pain. But she calmed, little by little, as the figure hugged her closer, protecting her against the poisonous fumes. She didn't stop choking, despite how much poison would clog her mind. However, the shadow enveloped her tighter and, suddenly, she felt as if she was floating up in the air.

She couldn't see it but she felt it, her whole body being lifted and and falling... rise and fall and rise and fall.

Her flight ended when she was brought down on a ground almost unfamiliar, something she had not felt for so long. A ground so soft and lush, so moist and cool upon her naked legs. The beautiful scent of grass entered her nose and her heart fluttered up in the air, inviting the fresh scent of new oxygen.

The figure didn't let her go, probably because she still sat there, trembling violently. It held her tight, its embrace trying to sooth her, its musk scent of moss and forest entering her nose once more. Either she was still in shock or she was still paralyzed; she didn't push the shadow away. She could not think, nor open her lips to speak, but she could see her friends over the shadow's shoulder, her visions still quite a blur. Thank goodness... they were all right.

"K-Kagome…"

The voice sent her eyes flapping open as realization came. The strong, hoarse voice sounded worried, sounded scared. Her heart fell and rose at the same time. She shut her eyes and, slowly, let her arms enfold the figure in return, hoping it was enough to silently thank him.

So he wasn't dead - he was _alive_! A few moments ago, it had only been his body her eyes had seen. It had just been his unconscious body she had seen when Naraku's torso melted. He _wasn't_ dead!

She couldn't help it, she didn't fight it. New tears descended down her paling cheeks, tears of happiness and relief. She held onto the familiar shadow, gesturing silently that she would never let go when she squeezed him tighter, as tightly as her weakened state would permit.

"Are you all right?" she whispered, nearly frantic. "Are-_are you all right?_"

He slowly pulled away from her, ignoring her silent protests. Her sorrowful, weary eyes met his golden gaze, likewise as weary and fatigued as hers. He still held her, his arms longingly around her waist as hers around his neck, tangled beneath his silvery hair. She gazed at him, trying to read his eyes.

Why was he looking at her like that? Is there something that bothered him so much? The battle was _over!_ He should be _happy_! She only wanted him to be this way, to be happy that he defeated Naraku. She didn't want him to worry anymore or think about anything else but to be happy.

Sighing, she moved forward to lay her forehead against his shoulder, dazedly closing her eyes.

It was a wish come true. A _pretty_ long time to have it fulfilled, too. Everything was over, no more problems, no more worries. She didn't want to think about anything else but the emotions of happiness inside her, a feeling of relief with a hint of strange sorrow she couldn't quite figure out.

_I don't want to worry right now, whatever it is. I just want to spend time being happy, thinking… thinking… of how free you'll finally be, Inuyasha…_

—  
**Unable to move forward across "just a little more" distance  
The way I see before me is always blocked  
Every time the days I want to see you but can't pile up,  
My strong heartbeat turns into heartbreak.**  
—

He allowed her to find a moment in time to figure things out. He let her head fall on his shoulder, hoping that she'll feel all right.

She still hadn't figured out what this end of battle meant to her… to him. She still hadn't figured it out yet, but no matter. He didn't wanted her to figure that awful thought out… not yet. All he wanted to do was to spend this one moment in time with her, contemplating a battle that had been worth fighting for.

He didn't want to worry about it right now, not anything. All he wanted to do was to make sure Kagome was safe. Make sure his promise was fulfilled.

Behind the two figures, the demon exterminator grunted in pain, as she tried to sit up without screaming. She couldn't recall the battle too much but she could remember the moment she and houshi-sama were rescued by the hanyou before the poisonous fumes engulfed their bodies completely. Her right hand felt a body lying unconscious beside her.

Sango turned to look at the bruised and blooded frame of Miroku, a terrified gasp escaping her trembling lips. She couldn't remember what happened; only remembered the pain. The pain and grief that Naraku had given them, deceived them. Deceived HIM.

She cried out quietly when the monk stirred at her touch as she placed her trembling fingertips on his bloodstained cheek. She watched as he grunted, his eyes opening and closing again at the blinding afternoon light. Somewhere from afar, a not too young kitsune grumbled as he awakened.

"Are we dead yet?" he mumbled dumbly as he tried to get up, only to find his hind legs collapsing back onto the soft ground.

_Oh - the pain!_

Beside him, the bloodstained neko-youkai ached, also attempting to stand up. Without much hope, it fell against the kitsune's back, giving up all too suddenly.

"Kagome?" Shippou whispered, his closed eyes opening.

All he could see was a figure of red, crunched down into a ball, as if protecting something, as two languid arms wrapped around its back. Shippou grunted wearily and tried to stand up. He had never imagined himself being part of a battle that would include serious death, didn't picture himself joining the hanyou's side to fight against Naraku.

What everyone would have expected him to do was to stay by his surrogate mother's side, protecting her with his mirage abilities. He had never known how excruciating it was to participate in battle ... he, who had barely even tried to kill a youkai by himself.

He shivered, the wave of shudder coming from head to tail to toe. His green eyes lacking their brightness. He would have thought that he had died after that final attack from Inuyasha or Naraku, but here he was, still alive and able to breathe. He couldn't help it. For the first or second or third time in his life, he found himself scared to watch as Inuyasha swayed unsteadily in front of Naraku, nearly halfway to his death wish.

It wasn't his fault if he was to admit that he had loyalty towards that stupid idiot of a hanyou who constantly threatened and pestered him all the time. Maybe it was just a way to tell the kitsune that Inuyasha really cared for this little guy. After all, Inuyasha was near to being a substitute father to him, too.

Kirara rubbed a forehead against his back, meowing silently. Sighing, Shippou turned to gently rub a small paw against the neko-youkai's creamy forehead.

"It's all right now, Kirara," he assured his tired friend. "I guess the battle's over. All revenges are gone and everything's gonna be alright… right?"

Kirara opened a blood-red eye, her black slits moving to stare at the figures of Sango and Miroku to their right. Then slowly moving to watch as the red-clothed figure stood up, revealing a frail girl sitting down on the grass in front of him.

"I'm all right," Inuyasha responded, his voice still ragged.

Kagome stared down at the ground, placing her hands on her lap. She felt weak and mostly tired. Days upon days of watching something so awful and waiting for it to end had drained her of the energy to keep her self awake and active. Her ebony hair was nearly drenched with blood, not just hers but Inuyasha's too. Locks fell upon her pale face, sticking to her sweaty face.

It was as if she was having a relapse, since she felt a strange pang inside her. She didn't know what it meant, but she ignored it. All she cared about was what lay ahead of her, and her friends.

She turned to gaze up at the hanyou in front of her. Worry spread through her face as she followed his gaze towards the other side of the forest where the black clouds of poison miasma still roamed around the air. It had somehow stopped spreading, as if it could only reach one mile of its surrounding.

"Is-Is everyone… well?" a voice coughed, a little too violently. Someone disapproved.

"_H-houshi-sama!_ Don't you try speaking! The-there's blood coming out of your mouth!"

Sango ripped a part of the hem of her skirt and folded it into a small distorted ball. Quickly but gently, she dabbed the cloth unto Miroku's lips, where large amount of blood flowed out. Panic stroked her hands as they trembled violently, hard to tell whether she was still too weak to tend Miroku's wound or whether she was scared of losing someone she had secretly loved.

Slowly and steadily, Shippou stood up with Kirara and limped towards Kagome. He lazily swung each hind leg as if he was drunk, his high-up bushy tail drooping to the ground. He hadn't slept for days, although his stubborn eyes had wanted him to. And this afternoon might be his lucky chance to get a three-day sleep, cuddled with his beloved surrogate mother.

Kagome watched the unfortunate cloud, her eyes filled with worry. Would it spread the next day? How will it dissolve then? It was a good thing the well was in the other direction, or else she wouldn't be able to...

Surprised, Kagome felt tiny soft body delicately make its way on her lap, a sigh brushing her arm. When she looked down, both Shippou and Kirara had buried themselves on top of her lap, sleeping.

"Is it really over?" Shippou murmured. "Then I can go to sleep now. I can go to sleep now… okaasan, I can go to sleep now?"

Blushing with faint joy, the miko lightly brushed the kitsune and the neko-youkai's bloodied tail and hair, wiping the crimson liquid off. Inuyasha stood still ahead of her, close enough for his bare bruised feet to brush against her own bent knees. Kagome closed her eyes and lifted both youkai, cradling them as she composed her thoughts.

"It's okay now, Shippou, Kirara, Inuyasha, Sango, Miroku," she whispered softly. "I guess it's all over. As soon as you - _we_ all wake up tomorrow, or the day after that… we'll start a brand new day."

_It's all right now, Inuyasha_, she fought the urge to add as the saddened girl turned to gaze at the hanyou's back, his crimson tinted silver hair flowing with the wind as hers did. Hidden all along in her curled left fist, she tightened her hold of her treasure, scared to let anyone remember that it was for this _thing_ that they had been battling.

_It's all right, Inuyasha. Maybe you can eventually be happy now. Maybe we all can be happy now. With Naraku dead… we can start over. If you want to…_

—  
**If there is such a thing as "eternity,"  
I want to believe, even if I have to take the long way.  
Although I know that I've been hurt before because I'm clumsy  
I won't stop; I won't give in to anyone.**  
—

It was barely a day after they got back to old Kaede's hut, and they could not fight the urge to sleep. Kagome slept in a far corner with Shippou under her arms. Sango lay beside her, and Miroku rested quietly beside Sango.

There was no need to worrry whether the monk would secretly grope in the midst of their sleep. As far as anyone can tell, Miroku, too, hadn't the time to even move a muscle until he could wake up to a brand new day. The only one who barely had enough time to rest was Inuyasha, who constantly walked in and out of the hut, thinking hard.

At last, he decided to rest on top of the hut's roof, reaching the conclusion that he _really_ needed this rest. He was somewhat fidgety and brimming with anxiety these past hours after the battle. He couldn't sleep, couldn't figure out positively whether these stomach-flopping feelings were either comfort or worry.

Thoughts of the battle came to his mind. A memory he could never forget. An image he would never allow to swallow him up with too much pride. An hour ago, he had been brutally washing Tetsusaiga from a nearby river. It even looked as if he was trying to drown himself as he had frantically dunked himself in and out of the water, ridding himself of the blood that came from his friends. Blood of the friends he had nearly killed after Naraku's mind-controlling ability.

It was a battle worth fighting for, yes. A battle worth giving up one's own lives. Of course, he would allow no one but _himself_ to sacrifice his own life for another. But, of course, that would make Kagome angry… and sad.

Shifting his sword on his chest as he settled his hands behind his head, Inuyasha stared at the midnight's sky. He wondered if counting stars would work his way to sleep... but it was useless. Although it calmed him a little, he couldn't help but worry still.

What would become of tomorrow? What would become of him tomorrow?

—  
**I think of you  
and that alone is enough  
to make the tears start to flow now  
I always, always wish  
that these fleeting thoughts  
would reach you...**  
—

There was nothing else he could do now. Before, he thought his destiny was only to find the rest of the Jewel shards with Kagome. It ended them up with encountering Shippou, Miroku, Sango, and Kirara. Could that have been part of his destiny, too?

He wasn't quite sure, his mind was still cloudy. All his senses told him that his life depended only on hunting Naraku down and slaying him. But since that desire had been accomplished… _what now?_

Inuyasha scanned the stars, as if searching for the answer. It wasn't long until finally Kagome realized what this end-of-the-battle would mean to her… to him. It was just a matter of time that Kagome would realize there would be nothing left for her to do her in _his_ time… but to go back to _her_ own time. It pained him in billions of ways to even imagine Kagome leaving him.

_Even a **smile** from her could tear me_, he thought obscurely.

Half of him wanted the girl from the future to overlook the future and stay here with him in the past. Yet, half of him knew that it wasn't right, just begging for Kami to make sure Kagome forgot about her time, her family. He didn't want her to abandon the ones she loved.

_What about me? _

His inner thoughts spun his world with questions.

_Do I want Kagome to leave? Sure I tried to kill her before, but that was so long ago that I can hardly remember it anymore. _

_But It was her. _

_It was her that changed me. Maybe it had been her that made me soft but stronger, but I don't know. All I know is that she's somehow involved. Involved in my life. _

He didn't want Kagome to remember, even if she would have to lose memory of everything and everyone, including him self, at least she would still live by his side.

He didn't want her to desert her family. Then again, he didn't want her to leave him, too.

—  
**I've known all too well about pretending to be strong.  
But since then, my doubts have vanished.**  
—

Someone was calling her. The silent voice that cloaked around her heart pleaded with her for something and she could not refuse it.

Kagome lifted her head up to look at the darkness within the hut. Everyone was asleep and it seemed as if the gentle voice that cried out for her told her that Inuyasha, too, had fallen into a deep sleep.

**… Kagome …**

It told her, secretly, that it was all right to leave for a while without being detected.

**… Kagome …**

It told her it needed her help.

**… Kagome …**

It pleaded with her to come quickly.

**… Kagome …**

It called her repeatedly, its sad and heartbroken voice fabricating a connecting pain in her heart. Kagome gradually sat up, careful not to wake Shippou and Kirara. She had enough strength for tonight to cloak her scent. It was a weakening ability due to the battle, but she was able to hide a little of her strong miko scent as she deliberately stood up and walked out of the hut.

Her hair billowed behind her, as she went outside. She wore miko clothing; her uniform, bloodied and torn, had been thrown away. Besides, she could buy another one in her time anyway. It worried her a little to wear this miko clothing. It was the clothing Inuyasha would forever see her wear, no matter that he had seen her with it many times.

It reminded him of Kikyou, she knew that all along. But what was she to do? It wasn't her fault if she was a reincarnation of his former love.

_No wait_, she made a mental thought, _he still loves her, silly._

There was no point in denying their eternal love. Kagome wasn't invited. She wasn't entirely sure if she should be jealous or angry with Inuyasha or Kikyou.

When the battle against Naraku ended a few hours ago, Kagome could recall little of it, as if it were a dream come true. Before, she could not deny that she felt a little jealous of Kikyou for being someone whom Inuyasha loved. She felt angry with Inuyasha for being in love with Kikyou.

But now that everything was over… she wasn't quite sure anymore.

**… Kagome …**

"Yes?" she whispered to the air, allowing her feet to guide her wherever the voice led her.

Without surprise, it led her to the Goshinboku. Was she expecting this? Yes and no. Her body stopped a few feet from the colossal tree's broad curling roots that stuck out of the ground as she gazed at a figure standing atop of the largest root that stranded out high off the ground.

If Kagome was correct, that had been the root she had climbed upon on to reach a sealed Inuyasha, where curiosity came to her because of those canine ears of his. It was the same root where she was able to clamber up and see Inuyasha up close. And here, ironically, was another person, standing on that large rootlet. The person who had shot her beloved hanyou fifty-two and a half years ago.

Kikyou stood with her back turned to Kagome, her right hand stretched out reaching the tree's body where _he_ once slept. They were perfect twins, their hair playfully dancing with the air, one loose, one loosely tied. One wore clean miko clothing, whilst the other wore something that looked like she had been digging underground, looking for Hell.

Her beauty was no match for Kagome's simplicity. She didn't blame Inuyasha having someone so pretty and strong-willed as Kikyou. Compared to her, Kagome was nothing but a girl in crazed unrequited love, too stubborn to realize that this love she felt will never match Kikyou's own commitment. Kagome was this persistent girl, who someday would hope that someone like rude Inuyasha would accept her love.

She hated it, but she knew she could never deny her love, never wash these strong feelings away. That was why she would stay with Inuyasha forever. No matter how much it broke her heart to be here in the feudal era.

But she didn't want to worry right now; only wanted to enjoy her time with everyone else she called friends. She didn't want to worry about anything at all.

Kagome gazed at Kikyou's back, misery and sorrow washing over her face when sudden insight caught her off guard. But she ignored it like she wanted to.

"The Jewel is not complete, I see?" Kikyou's cold and tranquil voice broke the silence between them.

Somehow her voice didn't sound as cruel as Kagome always heard it sound. It was as if she sounded… crushed. Kagome hid her face behind the shadows of her hair, staring down at the ground and at her sandals.

"Should I repeat myself once more?" Kikyou turned around to gaze at the other miko.

The Jewel, yes, was not complete yet. That was what overjoyed Kagome a little. If it wasn't completed yet, and she could have more time to spend her moment with Inuyasha. Knowing, of course,that the last and final shard would crush everyone.

"No," Kagome replied softly. "It isn't."

Kikyou gave a faint smile and motioned the girl towards her, her entrancing fingers dancing out towards her living reincarnation. Kagome did not fight back her with stronger powers, but merely took four steps forward. Still staring at the earth below them.

"You are a somewhat smart and wise human," Kikyou murmured gently. "Do you know where the final fragment is embedded?"

Without denying it, Kagome nodded dully. Tediously, she moved her head up to gaze into the eyes of Kikyou. To her surprise, the undead miko gazed back at her with gray eyes of sadness and grief. Usually, Kagome was shot with cold glares or angry threats but now Kikyou's ghoulish heart ached inside hers. A string of woe shot her chest, causing Kagome to grasp hold of her heart.

"K-Kikyou…"

"Child," Kikyou began, "I am the one who called upon you. You are the one I seek… the one I desire to talk to."

"M-Me?" Kagome stuttered. "W-why me?"

As if the question was suppose to sting, Kikyou gently shut her eyes, contemplating. A subtle smile still came to her lips, but the look in her eyes as she opened them made Kagome take back what she stammered.

"Since you are me, and I am you… you are the only one that understands, child," Kikyou answered. "Considering that you are my reincarnation, as I am told, I am offering you a chance to have this one final discourse."

"I-I don't understand…"

Kikyou chuckled. Kagome had to bite back surprise at how blithe that chuckle sounded.

"I have come to talk to you… about Inuyasha."

_About Inuyasha… of course. _

Kagome nodded understandingly, concealing the sudden pain reentering her soul as well as Kikyou's.

"Your soul and my soul are one," Kikyou told her. "Since you have a larger portion of that one soul, I am still able to feel your emotions. Am I impolite to ask why you are feeling what you are feeling right now?"

Kagome shook her head.

"It's _your_ soul," she answered with a short smile. "If we're one, then we're one. Even if you're already dead, I would still appreciate whatever feelings you have towards me… or Inuyasha."

… _You are good-hearted …_

"Besides," Kagome added with a smile. "I think I know why you called for me."

—**  
There's definitely things I want to show you  
And so many words I want to hear  
I want to see all sides of you, when you laugh and cry  
So I'll stop waiting  
and seize my "chance."**  
—

"Then I do not need to bid you my favor?" Kikyou questioned skeptically.

It surprised Kagome how very hopeful Kikyou sounded, and looked. She felt sorry for ever thinking that Kikyou had only called to kill her, since Naraku was dead and all was well. Kagome clutched the aching heart of herself and Kikyou.

"If you want to," she began, "I'd like to hear the reason from you…"

Kikyou opened her eyes and turned to look at the midnight sky. Her dead charcoal eyes seemed to sparkle with wonder, her face still calm and solitude.

_She looks so lonely_, Kagome mused sadly_, I feel her pain now. It's strange…Now… it's like I don't like her being so sad and depressed. Like I want her to be happy. I know she hated me before, but I feel something changing… maybe, between us. Like she wants to be a part of me. Or, maybe it's me that wants to be a part of her. Because… she's the one he loves the most. _

Chuckling at the thought, Kagome shook her head slowly, clearing that thought of her head.

_What are you talking about, you silly baka. 'The one she loves the most'… it's not like he ever really **did** love you. Besides, you haven't **literally** told him that you love him. I mean, he's just hugged you several times but that doesn't mean anything. He's just a… very close friend. _

"Yeah, that's right," she whispered to herself. "He's just a very close friend."

She ignored the third pain that repeated itself in her heart. She had forgotten that Kikyou felt it, too, for the undead miko winced speechlessly.

"Since I have grown this new power," Kikyou began, "it has connected me precisely to your soul and heart. Sometimes, I wish I had not obtained it. But it is the only thing that will keep me walking upon this earth. You know that, do you not?"

Kagome nodded. The bizarre feeling she had felt when she first Kikyou disappeared and, instantly, she knew what this conversation meant.

"I feel your feelings, child," Kikyou uttered quite calmly. "As I have likely interfered with your feelings previously, thus I know I must not manufacture anger in my mind."

Before continuing, Kikyou gazed back up at the night sky and smelt the air casually.

"It is a beautiful night, is it not?" she asked.

Following her gaze, Kagome watched as stars twinkled in this uncivilized era. The beautiful scent of forest and the view of billion stars and galaxies above them shimmered with silver and seemingly gold. The crescent moon shone above them, revealing its exquisite fading curves.

"Yeah," Kagome resolved. "Good thing they invented rocket ships to fly to the moon, and maybe Jupiter, or Venus. If Tokyo looked this pretty in the olden age I don't know why they built cities and hotels and restaurants to try and make things better - not that I'm complaining about better vehicles to come by… it's better taking the bus around town than walking around on my feet like..."

Seeing the odd look from the undead miko fabricated a rising blush of embarrassment from Kagome.

"O-Oh, sorry," she fumbled. "I forgot that I'm still in the feudal era…"

She chuckled and placed a hand behind her head. It didn't surprise her much when Kikyou cast a melancholy look down. It was a secret between these two. A secret even Kagome knew not to tell anyone, even Inuyasha.

"Is it wrong to act so foolishly over something that matters no more?" was the only reply Kagome got. "Is it too late now to differ hatred or am I too late to change the bearings of our mind? Tell me, for I do not know."

Consequently, Kagome could only shake her head no. It wasn't right to lie, or be angry over nothing. She couldn't bring herself to violate such questions that she knew were honest. For that fact, Kagome merely gazed at the elder miko with some curiosity in her eyes.

Kikyou had somehow changed, regardless her outside action. Her face showed cold calmness yet her eyes betrayed her facial features. The old look of anger and jealousy towards Kagome had long gone, only to be replaced with guilt, sadness, and heartbreak. This is something that Kagome could not dispute.

The leaves that circled them shuffled sensitively with the rhythm of the wind. The darkness that surrounded their spaces soon vanished dimly as fireflies came to join their silent visage.

_She is so kind; I can sense that, _Kikyou thought as she gazed at the human young girl_. She must be in her seventeen years, as I am forever, both now and then. She is so kind. I cannot ask her my favor, for I will only break. But Naraku is gone; Onigumo set pace to his peace from anger and possession. I am able to roam freely with these new powers. I am finally strong now… but, somehow, I feel so weak against these odds. Against hurting someone who is also me. Have these new powers purified me too much? Why do I feel so somber and sad? Do I not want to ask her this? _

Kikyou closed her grieving soulless eyes, contemplating.

_Why have I changed? Why has this thing changed me? I am not so kind; I am not so sensitive. Yet… this child. This child is… she must be the key…_

"I will tell you, then, of my favor, if you would like to hear it from me," she began, but paused to add, "strangely, it makes me dismal to tell you such a thing. I know of your relationship, but I must do this… you know of that, do you not?"

Kagome simply nodded. She took in Kikyou's words, hoping she could figure out the rest of this conversation later. She promised her self that she wouldn't get harmed, even with words. She was strong enough to hide her deepest wounds through all Inuyasha's angry words towards her (although she knew he never meant any of them) and she knew that Kikyou's words would mean nothing to her as well.

—  
**I think of you,  
and I feel like that alone is enough  
to make my heart grow stronger.  
I always, always wish  
that these fleeting thoughts  
would reach you...**  
—

"You can say it, Kikyou," Kagome smiled. "You know that I know it already and it won't really hurt me. Not one single word of it. If you tell me yourself, I'll actually accept it truly."

There was pain stabbing her heart. Kikyou felt it. It was not just Kagome's mere lies, but she - in _her_ own fake body - could feel _her_ own pain. And she had never known how painful it was. Sure she had felt the pain of jealousy, but never had she felt such compassion for someone who was willing enough to give away their own love. Extraordinarily, it pained her.

"Your words ring true to me," she replied softly. "For I feel your ache. I feel your emotions as you will feel mine. When time comes for this trial be fulfilled, I will let it go."

Kagome gazed at her closed eyes.

"Trial?" she questioned quietly.

Kikyou smiled and nodded solemnly.

"Yes," she remarked. "It is. However…it is not a test. It is merely an act of sadness and courage and love. It is something that both you and I will slowly accomplish. Please believe this, I do not want you hurt anymore. I have tried to kill you and, for that, I am truly sorry. I have caused you… both of you ... great pains and I will someday take them all back with me. I will carry them in my body someday. So that you will live a peaceful life."

Kagome nodded, understanding it carefully.

"So then," she started, "you want me to…"

She trailed off. She could not finish it.

"The fireflies are like the heart of our soul, yes?" Kikyou answered another question with a question. "It is like a glowing emotion of love. If it may fade one day then the love dies. But if it may glow brighter then the love transcends forever. Remember that…"

"I will, Kikyou," Kagome promised. "I'll remember…"

_I'll accept it. I'll get it over with. I'll try to conceal it inside. I'll accept it. I'll forgive myself for this anyway. I'll tell my self that it won't hurt. I don't want to worry right now. I just want to see, to feel, to hear, and make sure that he is happy. That I am happy and that she is happy. Don't want to worry… _

Kagome smiled at herself, and maybe at Kikyou, as well.

_Don't want to worry…_

—**  
I think of you  
and that alone is enough  
to make the tears start to flow now  
My distant voice can't reach you now, but so that someday  
it definitely will...**  
—

"I am asking you a favor," Kikyou finally began, ignoring the pain that caused them both. It was strange to her, to ache for someone when she was already dead. "I am willing to return to Inuyasha and be of his possession. I am asking you a favor whereupon I can love him again… and he can love me again. I wish to return to Inuyasha. I wish to love him once more, as I - we - had done fifty years ago. Will… will you let me?"

_I'll accept it. I'll get it over with. I'll try to conceal it inside. I'll accept it. I'll forgive myself for this anyway. I'll tell myself that it won't hurt. I don't want to worry right now. I just want to see, to feel, to hear, and make sure that he is happy. That I am happy and that she is happy. Don't want to worry… _

—  
**Believe.**  
—

Kagome had turned her gaze to the ground, her bangs hiding her eyes. However, a small, faint smile came upon her lips. When she turned to look up at Kikyou, the fireflies danced with delight, the leaves dying from their odd flights.

Her heart pounded a little but she easily eased it back to normal. When she read Kikyou's eyes, the undead miko had spoken so sincerely that she could not deny her desire.

"Yes. I'll let you have him. I'll let you have Inuyasha…"

The unsurprising response didn't stir a cringe in either miko. Instead, and oddly enough, it sent a strange relief within their hearts.

—  
**Believe.**  
—

No. Somehow… it didn't hurt.


	2. Deep Forest

A/N—hi there again! (No, I don't own Inuyasha but I do own my fanfics!)

sorry... a little re-editing with here and there. um.. i dont know if you can find them but sorry for reposting though..

* * *

MORE THAN WANTED

Deep Forest

* * *

•●•

**I'm sure that the heart I left behind  
still lies hidden in the heart of the deep, deep forest.  
—**

"Yes... I'll let you have him."

It felt right, the smile that Kikyou gave her. Kagome didn't rebel back her words, feeling as if she said something that truly meant something for her and Kikyou. For the first time.

There was a strange familiarity within Kikyou's new mind and heart. Kagome could sense the change the undead miko had become. It was as if the anger, the jealousy, the hatred Kikyou had once shot Kagome with had somehow... vanished. She could still felt the little pain but it didn't match the relief and bracing emotions that newly swallowed Kikyou.

The older priestess did not say anymore, just smiled. There was no need of _"are you sure?"_ or _"you chose correct"._ The only response that silently reached out of each other's mind were... satisfaction. As if content with the bizarre idea.

Before Kagome could say anymore to break off the long momentum, she hesitantly held out the Shikon no Tama from her neck. Kikyou followed her gaze, her eyes softening at the sight of the Jewel she had once protected with all her life shine on the human girl's palm.

"But..." Kagome began. "What about the last shard? How... how do I tell _them_?"

The older miko hopped—merely _flew_—off the large root and landed on the moist night grass without a thud or a sound. Her torn blood-red pants swayed, her bloodstained shirt clinging on her form. Closing her eyes, Kikyou held her heart.

"Do not worry, child," she murmured. "I will take care of things that troubles you so. I can control the sight of reality. I can manipulate the very sight of something so worthless and fabricate it into something so precious in one's eyes. I can master and disguise the Jewel's truth."

Understanding, Kagome nodded and placed the necklace back around her neck but a realization doused her heart as she took the necklace off her neck and held it out in front of her once more.

"I... I guess I can't protect this anymore," Kagome whispered. "Since you're almost alive now, you can protect the Jewel like you did years ago. I—I'm not needed to defend it. You're the one who should keep it. Here."

Kikyou diverted her eyes to Kagome's then down at her outstretched open palm, where the Shikon no Tama, the Jewel of Four Souls, the very thing that was assume to have been burnt with her years ago, and the very same Jewel that would change her life literally. Replying back, Kikyou smiled and did not seize it.

"No," she murmured. "No. No... I cannot. The protection and guardian of the Jewel has passed down its fate. I have clearly done my job protecting it and it holds useless to my guard."

Kagome hesitated, her arm still stretched out towards the other woman.

"But... Kikyou..."

"Have we not called this discussion a peace of both our lives?" Kikyou questioned quietly. "With these new powers, I cannot gain anymore. For if I do and must I live precisely, my further reason is for you're own to figure out and myself. I cannot capture such obsession. Please, I cannot."

Kagome stood stunned, watching the inexplicable teardrop fall down the miko's cheek. But she fixed the Jewel back around her neck.

They stood still, watching the fireflies take flight about them, watching the crescent moon glow its eerie silver tint. They watched the stars, winking down at them, making Kagome wonder what she was to do now that things were going to be like this.

The hours of midnight passed a long two hours ago, as the two miko watched the hushed night above them, heeding in the sound of crickets about them, none too particularly of demons. Morning would dawn soon in a couple of hours, they could tell. Golden glows shot faintly through the starry sky. Golden glows that somehow reminded Kagome of Inuyasha.

The thought saddened her inside but she stood strong before Kikyou, one whom she thought had loathed her. That thought made Kagome confused.

Kikyou had now grown into this new person. It was strange because Kagome had once figured out that this bizarre structure of once earth and bones hated her guts. Kagome had felt Kikyou's anger stream down her heart, an angry jealousy. What had changed her emotions was only Kagome's heart could answer.

Moving her head down to watch the grass and moss instead, Kagome found it hard to forget Inuyasha just for one minute. He would love this. He would be thrilled to find out that Kikyou was alive again. Well, not _literally_ alive, but _nearly_ alive. He would be so happy to see Kikyou that he would marry her, have a family, and be happy.

_It's all I want Inuyasha to be, right? _

Kagome nodded. Seeing Inuyasha so happy would make Kagome herself happy, too. And this is how his wish would come true. Inuyasha was so profound of Kikyou.

And of her? No, he wasn't. He wasn't too serious of Kagome. Inuyasha had told, screamed, yelled, murmured, whispered (maybe even _thought_ of it) to Kikyou how much he loves her and how she meant to him.

And of her? No, he didn't do any of those. But, it was all right.

They bickered, they fought, they argued, even swear. Would you call that loving and or romantic? Hmmm. Some would say yes, some would say no. Either way, Kagome did not think so. No matter how sweet and soft he had once done towards her, Kagome knew it meant nothing. Nothing Inuyasha ever had done really meant something or even anything at all.

_I wonder if every time you whisper to me and hug me... that you wish I were Kikyou. I wonder if every time you tell me how great I smell, it would always be Kikyou you desire to see, to smell, to touch..._

With a sad smile, Kagome turned to look at Kikyou, who had somehow been staring at her the whole time.

"I feel envy of you, Kikyou," Kagome uttered softly. "Pretty much a slight sadness of envy."

Kikyou did not respond, only gaze back with disheartening gray eyes.

_You truly are simple-minded at the thought of your beloved, yes, _she thought melancholy_. You do not know how this will affect both Inuyasha and I. How it will affect **you**. Please reconsider to realize someday, Kagome..._

She did not say it. No need to. Soon, Kagome would grasp what this trial had been and meant all along. Before neither of them could say anything else, they were quickly interrupted by a slight sensation of power that shocked their peace. It was the energy of a youkai. However... also the energy of a human.

**—  
Exhausted, without the strength to search  
people vanish into the infinite darkness.  
—  
**

It was an hour after when Inuyasha flapped his eyes open. Something troubled him yet he couldn't figure out what it was. Whether it was what had happened several hours ago or what would happen if they just leave Naraku's poisonous miasma behind.

Sitting up slowly did he realize that it was still nighttime, the subtle sight of the morning's sunup etching over the forest's horizon. He settled Tetsusaiga beside him and dusted the straws that clamped right behind his back and silver mane.

Why was he so fidgety now? Was something troubling him? Everything was _all right_. Everything was going to be fine. All their troubles were away from thoughts. All their troubling mind of death and revenges were out of their league.

The only problem was, as still, _what now? _

Inuyasha could no longer sleep, his senses so restless and mind so unsettled. He hopped off the hut's rooftop with the sword tightly placed back to his side. He landed softly on the grassy ground with a soft thud from his heels.

He could not put himself to walk inside the hut yet. He couldn't bear to stand seeing those he had been forcefully attempted to kill right now. The images of such flashback sent a shiver running down his spine.

It was their looks. It was those expressions, those expressions of Sango, Shippou, Miroku, Kirara... Kagome. He could not forget them, could not get the images out of his mind.

Sure it should have been Naraku's fault. His friends were so certain it was just Naraku's doing that had caused him to nearly kill the people he had cherished as friends and the one he had loved. But... no. Half of it is true. Half of it... he just wasn't sure of anymore.

Staring at his clawed hands, something he intended to do so often after a vast murder of people he did not meant to kill. It was the first time he had took aim through his friends' blood, sticking it on his skin. Normally, he would do that in his sudden demon form. But he had been deceived to destroy them in this ugly form of half-breed.

The dimming view of the night began to glow brighter. Soon, morning would arrive and a new day would, yes, come to their fate.

He stopped various feet away from the hut's doorway and turned his head to stare at it. Something still troubled him, he didn't know what. Crossing his arms dully, Inuyasha settled his poised standing where he was.

With his sharp hearing, he could hear Shippou mumble his weary sighs and yawn visibly loud in his canine ears. He could hear Sango mumble, as well as Miroku. This was normal for all of them. Muttering in sleep were the usual habit after or before a pretty bad fight or argument. It only showed the worry lining across their faces, something they kept hidden when they wake up.

He heard them all, except for one. The one thing he had tried so hard to scent and hear. He smelled her scent clear as the wind but his nose protested at the action, as if it did not like the smell it smelled. Quite certain, Inuyasha were sure it was Kagome's scent. But his nose never did fail him.

He turned abruptly to stare at the dark opened door decorated with beaded strings for weak covering. Without hesitating, he started to walk towards the small hut, wanting to check on a certain someone.

When he walked inside, looked around with piercing sharp eyes, and found the spot where Kagome was suppose to lay quite empty, the curled ball of Shippou now lying in the middle of the sleeping bag, alert took over him, as well as frustration.

_What the hell...?_

How did the girl get out without him noticing her leaving? Inuyasha glanced around the small area of the shack. Sango and Miroku were still sleeping, Kirara on the youkai exterminator's stomach. No Kagome.

Running outside and checking the back of the hut, Inuyasha growled and glared at his surrounding.

_Stupid wench! Where and why the fuck did she leave in the middle of the night!_

He went tiptoes to sniff the high air. He squatted flat on the ground, whiffing the earth for Kagome's fragrance. Just grass, mosses, and trees. _Useless_.

**—  
If it's so small, I wonder if I can see it even now?  
—**

When a sudden updraft of the human girl's smell caught his nose in barely a second, Inuyasha leaped in action and hopped on branches. He could only guess where the girl was, and the direction of the quick aroma was enough to tell him where the dumb wench had stopped.

Growling, Inuyasha tried to reason his sudden anger. Shaking his head and shutting his eyes, he made a fist. Why was he so angry? It isn't like Kagome was in trouble. After the battle, she was almost fine, in better condition than the others were.

_That's right... _

_Why am I so suppressed with anger? It isn't like Naraku's puppets will come after her. They're dead, gone. Kagome's gonna be all right. _

_So..._

He slowed down, when a sudden pain ruptured his heart.

_But..._

He stopped. He _is_ stupid. Why is he trying to stop someone he wanted to love from going back to her time?

Kagome was going to the well. He knew that for sure. Despite that, he growled low with disappointment. She had figured it out, and she had no thought of _even_ saying good-bye to him. It pained him, to be betrayed by someone he loved so dearly. To be betrayed by someone he had vowed to love forever twice. Twice...

_But..._

Second musings begins to come in his mind. Surely, Kagome would return, ne? She always returned, even after a pretty huge argument.

He stared at the far distance in front. The well wasn't too far, hidden amongst the large trees far ahead. The clear dark emerald world around him, the view of the coming of morn shone darkly around him. The sound of crickets echoed in his hearing, not one you call demons. The smell of moss and moist grass came to his nose as it always did.

It would be several hours until morning would come. A day where he was reluctant to face yet ecstatic to live upon on. Tomorrow, if Kagome would not be here, he would soon wait. Wait until she comes back.

_But..._

'**Will that happen?**'

He nodded.

'**Are you sure?**'

He nodded.

'**But... what if... no...?**'

He nodded once more.

"She... she'll come," he answered the wind. "I know... for sure."

'**For sure?**'

He did not shake his head no. Despite, he did not shake his head yes. He merely gazed at the scene ahead, hoping that he would see Kagome's very presence out of the dark clearing of the night. Hoping that she'd see him up there, high up on a branch, and smile.

And smile at him, her eyes soon would be softening. He smiled at the thought.

Yeah. It's better to hope than not to.

'**But—**'

"_Shut up_," he uttered. "It's enough for me to talk to myself but to think about **that** would..."

Leaves fluttered around him. The beautiful nature veiling his structure, the half-breed crouched in a pup position, contemplating.

He waited. As he always did when she went off somewhere. He waited for her, as usual.

When he looked up at the night sky, he could still see the moon, its crescent shape humbly shining down on the forested earth. His silver mane whipped his face, a few strands obscuring his sight. His aligned lips faltered when he knew, when he realized.

He waited for her, but she did not come. His golden eyes glimmered oddly.

_Had she left? Had she really left?_

Had Kagome really remembered the care of her family and just leave him? Leave Inuyasha without saying goodbye?

Kagome had never done that. No matter what, she had always came to him right before she leaves for her time. Whether it be another argument, more '_feh_'s, or a simple '_go ahead, I don't give shit'_, Kagome would always go to him if she were to leave him.

Was she... was she...?

'**She looks like it, doesn't she?**'

He gazed down below him, couldn't find the right words to reply his own thoughts.

No. She couldn't _possibly_ have been...

'**But she looks like it... no denying it**.'

Gnarling, Inuyasha turned to his right and headed off to a place where he could think clearly. A place where all seems to drift away from him, all troubles... all lies.

He swiftly hopped on branches, speeding up. What was there to be angry about?

_Yeah, that's right. Why am I so worked up about this? It's not like I could stop her from going back. There's no need to stay here anymore. _

'**Yes. No need. Naraku is defeated, all is well, for the Jewel is complete, too, yes...**'

The Jewel. Inuyasha halted and stared ahead.

_I forgot about the Jewel. _

He glanced at the night sky.

_I've been worked up thinking about Kagome leaving that... I forgot about the Jewel. _

It was strange. Now, it was like the Shikon no Tama meant nothing to him. The only thought that never dissipated from his mind was Kagome leave-taking. He began his quick pace to the Goshinboku.

It long until he neared the Sacred Tree's clearings, when instantly did he feel this terrible subsidence inside him. As if, his instinct told him to go back to the well. But his human guts kept him from doing so.

'**Why are you so jumpy?**'

_I don't know. _

'**Are there other reasons other than Kagome that bothers you?**'

_How should I know. _

'**You should know since I know it already...**'

_Keh. _

'**I know what troubles you. You just don't want to admit, ne?**'

_Whatever. **You** tell me. _

'**How about _you_ tell me?**'

_If I don't?_

He was sure that the silence his thoughts had given him came with a long chuckle after.

'**If you don't... then you won't stop thinking about it. Even if you admit it to your mind, it won't help anyway...**'

He didn't answer. What was the use? He was just talking to himself so he should know whatever it was **he** was feeling.

_But... I don't want to lose her. _

Another pause. Another chuckle. Another confusing reply.

'**Lose her? Which one?**'

**—  
As we live on,  
we lose a little bit more.  
Shrouded in falsehoods and lies,  
we stand frozen to the spot, unable to cry out  
—**

_Which... one?_

'**That's right. Whom are you talking about? Whom is it, hanyou. Tell me. Her... or... her...?**'

_Her or... her? _

Before he could let himself answer, a strong power and scent came into his smell. He sniffed the air and stared at the dozen trees that hid the Goshinboku. It was a familiar scent, one that always soothed him when he was in anger.

Fireflies flew around him suddenly. The strange golden lights merged out of the view, dancing around him, as if urging him. The scent began to grow stronger, and he smiled, in relief, in happiness.

_Kami-sama! Kagome didn't leave! She didn't leave me!_

'**Oi, don't sound so _awkward_, idiot! You can't just hope that she'll forget about her family, fool. She doesn't have amnesia. Besides, she'll remember it. You know she will**.'

_I hate it when I have to ruin my own fun._

'**I hate it when _I_ have to remind my _own_ self that all things aren't just happiness and love**.'

_Keh. _

What he wasn't expecting, when he slowly arrived at the Tree, was the other structure of figure he had not anticipated to see yet. And before long, his calm, relieve facial tone, revolved into a strange anxiety, filled with stupefaction. Another mixed of pain shot his eyes, his smiling lips straightening.

**—  
The days pass by and change,  
without us even realizing how blue the sky really is.  
—**

All heads, Kagome and Kikyou's, turned to see the sudden figure that had came to a sudden halt to their right.

Strange...

Kagome was sure that his reaction was a little bit awkward before his once smiling lips turned solemn. It pained her a little bit, to see the one she loved stand between two women that had captured his heart. But, who knows, this might be the first time he should be standing between two people he loves, where one of them would later be pushed away.

She was suddenly shaking her head.

_What are you talking about, Kagome? _She gasped.

_Inuyasha had **never** loved you. All those things he's told you before... they weren't of love. They were just..._

'...**Words?**'

Kagome nodded and returned Inuyasha's astounded gaze with her expressionless stare. She mustn't show her pain, she had silently promised Kikyou that. Her gaze broke off when Inuyasha's eyes moved directly towards Kikyou's.

The fireflies that flew around them brightened. Kagome wasn't sure if it were the odd atmosphere around her or all of them. Whatever it was, she couldn't intrude it.

"Kagome..." Inuyasha stuttered, turning to look at her. He then looked at the older miko. "K—Kikyou...?"

Kikyou now turned to stare at Kagome, her once cold eyes glimmering. It was only Kagome that could see through Kikyou now. She was this sad, dispirited dead woman.

No. Kikyou was not fully dead anymore. She is half. Half-life, half death. Kagome was proud of that, being alive again to love again. She was proud, and she was sad. Angry wasn't the word to express her feelings. She had surpassed those hours ago, realizing that she couldn't have things the way she wanted it to be.

With one last smile at Kikyou, Kagome gazed at the ground and fingered the ribbon that lay on her stomach. How alike she really did look compared to the miko. Yes, they were alike. They loved, hated, and cried. They felt those at the same time.

The leaves began their descend once again, falling up, falling down. They drifted with the fireflies, several covering the brightness of the golden insects.

It was then that Kagome and Kikyou both gazed at the hanyou, one blissful, one sorrowful. It would take a long while to figure out which felt what.

"Inuyasha..."

**—  
Overcoming that made-up scheme, we live the present,  
and our rusted hearts begin to beat again!  
—**

His eyes widened slightly, at the equal chorus. What was Kikyou doing here? He... he wasn't expecting her to come. Especially when both of them were... both here.

"Inuyasha, how are you?" Kagome murmured with soft smile.

_Were they expecting me?_

'**It sure looks like it**.'

Inuyasha could not move. If he did, who will he run to? Which one will he turn to walk towards to and hold? If he would come to Kikyou, he would hurt Kagome. If he were to come to Kagome, then Kikyou would hurt.

They looked so much alike. The red bottom, the white top, the black hair... even their eyes and lips were similar; glimmering and straight.

As if they had been reading his face, Kikyou stepped forward, Kagome did not. She merely gazed at him with intent eyes, whilst she just stood there, her arms falling to her sides numbly.

"I—Inuyasha..."

The one he had loved fifty years ago left him through a heart-wrenching pain. Kikyou... she sounded so... hurt. Her voice spoke of those times where Inuyasha had wished her kindness and softness would reveal often back in the old days.

Her movements were of unbalanced, her hands coming up, trying to reach him, too urging. Inuyasha could not resist. He stepped forward and accepted her embrace, suddenly forgetting everything.

_Kikyou. Why do you look sad? Why do you sound so sad? It isn't like you. It wasn't like you at all. You feel... you feel—_

He gasped.

"K—Kikyou...?"

Pulling her slightly apart, Inuyasha gaped in sudden astonishment. Smiling, Kikyou nodded and placed a hand on his cheek. They trembled a little but Inuyasha held them back as he pressed them firmly against his cheek.

"But... how? When? H—How did...?"

He trailed off when her other hand gracefully caressed his other cheek, also trembling.

"For years that I have been resurrected that I saw you once more would I desired to do this," Kikyou murmured quietly, only for Inuyasha to hear. "I have long to touch you again, Inuyasha. I have longed to touch you with warm hands. Not cold. I have never wanted you to touch me before for I had been cold. My skin were cold, my eyes were cold... my heart were cold that it did not beat."

She paused to soften those wildly glimmering eyes of the hanyou.

"But now... I can," she smiled. "I can touch you now, with warm hands and a heart that beats. Beats with your love. Inuyasha, I... my... it came true."

She did not say anymore for Inuyasha instantly embraced her, burying his face on her shoulder. She was so warm, so human-like now. How had Kikyou become like this? Did... did she wish on the Jewel herself to become human again?

**—  
If we can find the rhythm of time, we can fly once again  
—**

_Kikyou. You're so warm. My wish... it also came true. I can embrace you again without being pushed away. _

Inuyasha closed his eyes. He remembered that smile she had given before their embrace. It looked so true, so sincere. It looked so... _familiar_.

But who had smiled like that before? Who had smiled a better smile like that that it made him melt inside? Inuyasha frowned a little, trying to remember as he tightly held Kikyou.

'**You are a fool, you... have you forgotten?**'

_Forgotten? Who have I forgotten?_

'**You silly, _half_-breed... you remembered her. But what about... _her_?**'

_Her... and her?_

All at once, Inuyasha's eyes fluttered open, realization coming from behind. Quickly pulling his head up, Inuyasha gazed at the figure standing over Kikyou's shoulder, a figure so fragile and weak.

"Kagome!"

_Fuck!__ I_** —**_I'm sorry! I forgot... I... I..._

His heart clenched ever so tightly when Kagome _smiled _at him. He couldn't tell if it was the smile of happiness or sadness. What he knew was that he had once again expressed his love of someone else.

Kagome's smile. It hurt him so much. What was he doing? Why was he doing this? He wanted to pull Kikyou away. But before he could do so, Kagome interrupted him.

"No," she whispered quietly. "Inuyasha. Don't. Don't come to me. Please... don't."

Gazing at her with confusion, he did not let Kikyou go.

"Kagome... but..."

"_No_," Kagome repeated, firmly this time. "Don't be stubborn, you. Stay there. Just... _stay_ like that. With her."

And before he knew it, Kagome had before long turned around and walked away. The wide spread of her miko sleeves rambling with the wind and with the leaves. The fireflies floated around her, as if they were of the dead souls, waiting to be sucked in by her body.

Inuyasha watched her, his eyes longing to grab her and enfold her. But he couldn't. Such demand from her was hard to resist. He was embracing Kikyou, this warm angelic miko he had once loved.

His heart squeezed so tight, making him want to cry, to regret this event. But he kept embracing her. He kept Kikyou wrapped around his arms, trying to ignore that hurting doubt in his head that this was not the person he really wanted to hold.

Kagome walked slowly, still in the hanyou's view. He still watched her, watched as she disappeared. He was delighted to see that her direction was towards the hut, not the well. That would give him time to talk to her.

He could still hear her, through his strong hearing range, her soft mutters. Her beautiful raven hair flowed like air streams.

"Stay like that. Inuyasha, stay like that with her... Just keeping it like that would everything be alright. Everything will be... all right. If you... if you stay like that..."

**—  
We live our lives  
wandering to the ends of the earth.  
Believing (in you?), now I begin my journey with you,  
in search of the light.  
—**

Somewhere in the midst of the forest, two figures intertwined their lost love. Somewhere in those midst of the forest, a structure of another figure walked in slow pace.

He could still see her. He saw her beautiful frame, so sad and broken. He saw the strange crystal droplets flowing behind her, the salty smell of tears clenching his heart eternally as the tears trailed around the crescent moon's body.

**—  
We live our lives  
wandering to the ends of the earth.  
Closing off  
the way back,  
we walk on for eternity.  
—**

_It don't hurt. I can cry for a while, then start over again. I know I can't do that but at least I can try. It don't really hurt. No, it don't. It'll be okay; I'll be all right. As long as he stays like that and I stay like this, it'll be all okay. Besides, this isn't goodbye yet, Inuyasha... I'm not saying goodbye._

**—  
We live our lives standing frozen to the spot,  
unable to cry out, for eternity...  
—**


	3. Dearest

A/N—third chapter! Thank you for the reviews! I really, really needed them to continue. Sorry if I stopped right there at the last chapter, I like cliffhangers.Nope, don't Inuyasha just this story and all my other ones.

* * *

MORE THAN WANTED

Dearest

* * *

•●•

**It would be nice if we could put away and throw out  
everything except what really mattered, but  
reality is just cruel.  
— **

Three hours had gone by and Inuyasha had not returned yet. Kagome gazed at the sunup in front of her, sitting on a large cliff at the edge of the forest. She had recently found this large grassy cliff after wandering aimlessly around the forest. She hoped that Inuyasha thought she was going back to the hut by going to that direction. Heedless to say, she wasn't doing such things.

She swung her feet playfully over the edge, yet not too firm for she was smart enough not to fall off those thousand feet below her, where another forest lay under. Elbows pressed on lap and chin rested on palms, Kagome closed her eyes halfway and stared down below her.

_Wouldn't it be great to just jump off this cliff?_

'**Why do say so?**'

_Just look at it..._

As if a second pair of eyes came to her, she gazed deeply at the drop underneath her swaying feet. The beautiful color of forest wavered in front of her eyes, like emerald, gold, and ruby blending together. It was like treasure. For two and a half years in this place, Kagome had never wondered why she had never found this place.

'**You are right. Yes... it is beautiful.**'

_I don't know why I never found this place. It's so... **soothing**. _

Her ebony glossy hair flew weakly behind her. A few strands graze her cheeks gently as her lashes fluttered slowly. When she tried to do something she nearly had forgotten what it was called, she couldn't do it.

_Must I replace everything with pretend now?_

'**Must you?**'

_Must I?_

'**Well, you _are_ talking to yourself.**'

_That's right. _

She closed her eyes.

_I'm going insane. Why am I talking to myself all of a sudden?_

'**Because. You have not the time to do that because of the Shikon shards you had to find.**'

She sighed, nodding.

_That's right. I forgot about that. _

Birds flew by, waving their wings like fingers to the sky. They waved at her with hello even though their heads looked the other way. Kagome paused to take in her breath.

_I should spend here more often. It's so quiet and peaceful. _

'**You should. You need it.**'

She didn't think anymore, merely stared at the beauty below her. There was a stream that ran right below her dancing legs. It had a horseshoe shape, where the midst curved all the way to the edge of the horizon. Even through human eyes, Kagome could see the glimmer of the river, the scent of leaves dwelling in her nose.

Yawning dumbly, Kagome brushed the strands that obscured her eyes behind her ears. Her miko clothes flung with the soft wind, making it hard for her to keep such loose clothes in place. She didn't care.

She was sleepy, but she did nothing about it. She would slumber when their answer came in her ears. When their decision came in place. If he disagrees, she will have to force him to compromise. Even if it broke her heart. Or his. She chuckled. Why would it? She's got no room left, never had, actually.

Kagome sighed, her eyes beginning to close midway.

_I guess I'll have to start pretending after._

'**Should you?**'

Kagome sighed.

_Maybe. I guess. _

There was a pause. After, Kagome looked high up the blue turning sky, her eyes still midway closed. Birds fluttered, waving at the sky. They seemed to wave their hello at her, their finger-like wings swiveling up and down yet their heads stared at a different direction. The beautiful white and brown birds of prey passed by in every minute, none particularly of the demonic kind.

'**It is beautiful, is it not?**'

_Yeah. _

'**If only everyday would be like this...**'

_Wouldn't it be great to just jump off this cliff?_

Kagome turned to look underneath her, dull eyes blinking vacantly. An invisible smile painted her lips inside. A smile she couldn't quite remember to do.

It was then that her outer self rang her with questions she hesitated to ignore.

_Would it be just great to fall off this cliff and fly?_

**—  
In such times,  
I see you laughing  
whenever I close my eyes.  
—**

'**Kagome**.'

_Wouldn't' it be wonderful to just stand up, jump off, and fly?_

'**I don't think...**'

_Just stretch out your arms like you have wings..._

'**I don't...**'

_And fly..._

'**But...**'

_Fly... away._

'**Kagome**'

_I would love to jump off this cliff and stretch out my arms to fly._

She nodded.

_Then I could fly away. Away from all this..._

'**But...**'

_Away from everything else. _

'**But, then you'll...**'

Chuckling, Kagome shook her head.

_But humans don't have wings. It's impossible for us, me, to have wings._

'**Are you listening?**'

_Impossible._

'**Why are you ignoring yourself?**'

_Then I can't really fly away from them. _

'**Why aren't you listening to me?**'

_Fly away from myself. Away... away... _

'**Listen!**'

_I guess you'll have to die **first** to have wings. Yeah... to be an angel. _

'**Shut up.**'

_Then I can finally fly away. _

'**Kagome...**'

**—  
Until the day I reach eternal sleep,  
that smiling face will  
have to stay with me without fail.  
—**

_Wouldn't it be great?_

'**What would be great?**'

_You know, to jump off and fly. To soar in the wind. _

'**That is great?**'

_Yes._

'**Why do I not think so?**'

_I don't know. _

'**I'm you but what you're telling me doesn't appeal me**.'

_Well, why don't it?_

'**Because—'**

_Because? Because **what**?_

There was a short pause, Kagome's mind halted abruptly. Then, a strange ache came through her head. She ignored it, growling with frustration that soon silenced in short seconds.

'**Because you are hurting.**'

Kagome didn't reply her own thoughts. She merely gazed at the view up ahead then down below. She didn't do anything else, just merely imagined. Why would she be hurting? She didn't feel any physical pain. Only emotional, but she wasn't hurting.

Was that what her mind was talking about? Shaking her head slowly, Kagome shut her eyes close then open.

_I'm insane. I'm going insane. _

There was no reply. Then...

'**Are you?**'

..._Am I?_

'**Do you think you are?**'

_I don't know. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. But what I'm telling you is true. _

'**Which one?**'

_You know. You should know._

'**I don't**.'

_Why? I thought you do. You're my head, dummy. You're my thought and my mind. _

'**Because you're keeping me from it. You aren't telling me it inside.**'

_Fine. I'm talking about this._

Staring dumb-wittedly at the fall below her still legs, Kagome sluggishly rose to her feet.

'**What are you doing?**'

_What does it look like?_

'**It looks to me like you're jumping off this cliff**.'

_That's right._

'**Why?**'

_Why...?_

'**Why do you do this?**'

_Do what?_

'**Why are you doing this now? Is it because...**'

Kagome shook her head violently.

_No! It isn't! That isn't true! I... I..._

'**_I_ what? You _what_? Why do you do this now? You haven't even received their answer yet. I think it's best to know before you even try this at all**.'

_Are you telling me that I should find out what Inuyasha and Kikyou think then jump off this cliff?_

'**No! That's not it!**'

_Then... what?_

'**I'm you and you're me. Why don't _you_ decide?'**

_I...I..._

'**Yes?**'

_I... I don't know. _

'**There you go**.'

_I don't know. _

But she stared expressionlessly down below, desiring to feel air around her body, to stretch out her arms and fly. But she couldn't. She couldn't move. She merely gazed down below.

Suddenly, she felt pain stab her heart. It wasn't hers but it was clear whom it was. Closing her eyes, Kagome gasped softly. The pain did not ceased yet. It only grew and grew.

_Kikyou_, she thought sadly, _is he... is he... disagreeing? _

No. Inuyasha mustn't disagree! He wasn't _supposed_ to! He was supposed to say _yes_!

_I'll talk to him for you_, she whispered quietly. _I'll make sure that..._

It took a few moments before the pain slowly faded away, relieving Kagome of such uncomfortable. She opened her eyes to stare at the azure blue sky, to smell the morning once more with weak human nose. Not even home would comfort her.

Sighing with fatigue, Kagome blinked slowly.

_Home. I forgot about home. _

'**Yes. What _is_ 'home' now?**'

_You're right. It's starting to erase from my mind. _

'**Do you want it to?**'

_I..._

"I don't know," she whispered, closing her eyes to feel the wind hit her face. "I just don't know anymore."

**—  
People are all sad, so  
they go and forget, but--****For that which I should love,  
For that which gives me love, I will do what I can.  
—**

"_Stay like that..."_

Several minutes after was Inuyasha left with this person returning what seems to be his embrace. It was only a few minutes did Kagome left already, a few minutes where he wasn't able to hold on to her.

_Her. _

Kagome's face. It was all he could think of. The horror of her face from that battle had gone away, replacing it with this dreadful sorrowful face which she appeared to be hiding. But he could see it. He had known her long enough to tell whether she was hiding something or not.

"_Just stay like that..."_

He didn't realize it but he had enfolded this woman in his arms.

"_Like that..."_

Kagome's face. It was all he could think.

Kagome's smile. That fake, happy smile she had given him not too long ago.

Kagome's sweet voice. That voice that restrained its hoarseness and gruffness.

Kagome's scent. That pleasant smell faded into something... something called surrender.

"_Stay like that..."_

He couldn't acknowledge, his mind was focus on one person, but he buried his face under a thick lock of ebony hair. A hair that looked like...

Pulling the person slightly from him, still holding her, Inuyasha hid a frown. It was Kikyou.

'**Why would it not be? You've been holding her for quite some time now...**'

"_Don't come to me..."_

Kikyou gazed back at him with longing eyes, something he had often seen when she was sad, an expression she hardly showed.

"Inuyasha."

The whisper was soft, gentle to his ears. Inuyasha fought back the urge to push Kikyou away. The wind came and went, few fireflies still alive to the coming of the morning.

He didn't know what he was doing. Maybe it was because he couldn't think correctly. Maybe it was because he didn't understand what it was he was suppose to do.

When he saw Kagome... and Kikyou at the same time, all that registered to him was... her.

"_Don't worry_..."

Yet... she disallowed him to go to her. It confused him for some reason. He wanted to hold her, because she did not go home. He wanted to tell her right now. Right now...

Even despite that the presence of his former love stood with them.

A pang of guilt rose up his heart.

Yes. That was what he wanted. He wanted to tell her how much she meant to him, even if it meant yelling it at her with his former love standing there. But... she didn't let him. Instead, she had demanded... commanded... no, it was merely a statement... that he should go to the other woman.

He couldn't refuse her. He just couldn't! He couldn't say no to anything she says. And telling him to go to her instead... he just did it. Because she told him to do so.

'**You would do anything she says, would you, then?**'

_I would. _

**—  
Back then, when we met,  
it was all awkward.  
We went the long way, didn't we?  
We got hurt, didn't we?  
—**

He wasn't thinking right. His mind was off somewhere. But half of his former instinct held on tight to Kikyou. Half of the emotions in his past made him grasp onto Kikyou.

"Inuyasha," Kikyou murmured gently. "I have missed you. Remarkably, this action you are giving me here and now."

Inuyasha held her tighter. He closed his eyes, hiding the glimmer of regret behind his lids. His lips tightened, holding back a cry of help. A cry of weakness.

"Kikyou," he murmured.

Yet inside, he whispered, "Kagome..."

"You're warm," Inuyasha mumbled. "How? What happened? I thought you were..."

_Dead. _

Kikyou smiled faintly. Her eyes bouncing in pleasant delight. She still held onto him, never wanting to let go.

"Dead?" she asked. "Yes... and no. I am not fully alive yet, however, I am not fully dead yet, either."

Inuyasha merely stared at her, waiting for the specific answer.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

Kikyou let her hold loose and took a step back. Her moves were graceful, like heaven. The fireflies acted as if they were the souls she were to gather inside her, flying around them, dancing with the wind.

"Inuyasha," the miko began. "Your wish and mine has come true. Unless you oppose to it."

_Wish?_

"What wish?"

"To be with me," Kikyou simply responded. "To be with you. After Naraku's death, I am able to gather new power to extend my position. I can now be alive. Souls are useless to me now, unless I am drained out of my power. With this new power I have united, I can be a human again. I don't have to be a... a..."

She hesitated to add softly, "a monster."

That set Inuyasha's mind blindly. Without much ado, Inuyasha just stepped forward and embraced her once more. This time, it as him holding onto her first. It was him.

"Kikyou," he whispered. "You were never a monster to me. I care nothing about what lies outside you. As long as your soul is still pure, I can still love you again..."

'**Are you sure?**'

_Yes._

'**Then... why are you regretting saying that?**'

_What do you mean?_

'**I can feel it. Inside you. I'm inside you and I can feel your great surge of mourn**.'

_Shut up. I don't care. As long as I can be with her. _

There was a pause.

'**Which one?**'

The slightest touch of the fireflies sent a shiver running his spine. Inuyasha closed his eyes, ignoring the pain it caused him when he gazed upon the ground where _she_ stood not so long time ago.

"Kikyou," Inuyasha started. "Tell me... tell me..."

He did not need to finish, for Kikyou's arms enveloped him in return. Her warm skin radiated through his haori, sending a sudden jump in his heart. For long years had he not felt Kikyou this warm before. He was somewhat almost use to hugging her cold, ice body. And now... now that she was human...

"I have summoned the young miko to talk," Kikyou murmured. "I was the who called upon her. From afar, I could feel the worry and anxiousness in you when you have discovered her disappearance."

Hiding a surprised face, Inuyasha didn't answer.

"I feel it," Kikyou said. "With these powers, I gained many powers I sometimes wish I never had. Powers to see destiny. To alter the being in one's eye."

There was a pause after. Kikyou had somehow stopped talking, letting the silence sink inside her first. She gazed at the ground, a sorrow eyes hidden behind her bangs.

_I must do this_, she thought with more or less encouragement, _I must or all hearts will break and minds will fall apart. I know it is not my business but I must end all sorrows... even if I will have to create a new one for someone... _

"Inuyasha," Kikyou opened her eyes and turn to look at the hanyou with compassion and remorse. "I came to bid the girl a favor."

Inuyasha nodded understandingly.

"What...what was it?" he asked.

'**I don't like this**.'

_You don't like anything!_

There was another pause. Kikyou let the silence back in, the fireflies glowing dimmer in their sight. Her red and whit miko clothing flowed with the wind, as the morning began to rise. A morning where their decision must come.

"Kagome," Kikyou began but stopped.

Inuyasha cringed a little, the name being brought into the miko's lips.

"She is a kind soul," the miko continued. "She is kind and sincere and she has acceptably allowed me to be with you."

Inuyasha raised his brows in surprise, unable to fight the urge to hide it. His smooth face turned stunned as he gazed at the miko intently. Hoping that Kikyou was joking.

'**Kikyou? Be a joker? Keh! That is a dream never happening, fool!**'

Inuyasha frowned. She was _not_ joking.

"She has gladly told me that I can be with you again... and that you can be with me again..."

**—  
Until the day I reach eternal sleep,  
that smiling face will  
have to stay with me without fail.  
—**

She sat herself back down on the cliff, restarting her doing over again, hoping to make it right. She swung her feet playfully, gazing down at the forest below her, below the fall.

She smelled the air, the remarkable smell of leaves. She smelled the wind, for it also smelled like leaves. She was told that wind carries many secrets. And what was told was correct.

It whispered to her, singing to her, telling her something she didn't know. It told her the secrets of life, the hidden mystery of the forest. It told her about Kikyou, and what happened. But no matter, she had already known that one.

Sighing, Kagome closed her eyes and tilted her face up. The quietness eased her a little, creating a small growing hole of strange emotions inside her.

_Why am I sitting here, doing nothing? _

'**You're not doing nothing. You're waiting. That's something, not nothing**.'

_Yes. But... still, I feel like all I've been doing is waiting. _

'**You don't need to tell me. Naraku is dead and it comes to both of us to decide what we should do next. What you should do next**.'

Kagome gave an enfeeble smile.

"I already know," she murmured quietly.

Another hour had barely passed but it seemed an eternity since she had been waiting patiently for them. Kagome watched the river, its sparkle, and its view. The morning was lukewarm but the air was chilly. She trembled a little, letting her shudder persist until it ended. Unfortunately, it didn't.

She gazed at the sight below, eyes dull. Thought of her wanting came back to her, ebbing a desire to jump. Unfavorably, she kicked the thought out of her mind.

'**Are you making the right choice?**'

_Choice? On what?_

'**On doing this. Letting her do this.**'

Kagome nodded.

_I think so. _

'**You think so? What is that suppose to mean?**'

_If it is a good choice, I'll be happy with it; I'll accept it. If it isn't then... I have nothing to do against it, I guess. _

'**Are you sure?**'

Kagome nodded.

"If I'm talking to myself then why can't you just agree with what I want?" she uttered quietly.

'**You are pushing me away. I'll fear that as days go on like this with such acceptance, you'll push me away until you aren't yourself anymore**.'

She chuckled.

_Why would you think that? You're me! I can't just push myself away from my self. _

'**Heh, are you sure?**'

She didn't answer. Instead, Kagome turned her head, to look at the intruder that approach her 'hideaway'. She felt his presence, leaping swiftly towards her, as if seeking and hunting her down.

Her ebony loose locks obscured her sight at first, but it quickly fell into place and flew with the wind in rhythm, making her see once again. The figure of red stood not too far away behind her, staring at her with a face she could not read.

His silvery hair flung forward, as hers flung backwards. His ears, those canine ears, flattened a little, exposing his worried look. His golden pond eyes glimmered with another emotion she could not understand. It was either she was to stand up and run up to him... or to ignore him and keep watching the view underneath the fall below.

Thinking of neither, Kagome fully turned her head so that she did not have to stare at the hanyou with the corners of her eyes. He stood there for a while, as if waiting for her to arise. She didn't. Instead, she merely sat where she was, head turned to gaze back at him. The trembling still did not stop. Kagome did not care.

A smile crept her the corners of her lips, unusually lifting up to her cheeks not too broadly. Her face were of kindness, but she knew him too well that he knew she was broken. She did not care.

"Inuyasha," her smile was subtle, dull, and dead. Her face showed kindness but it unveiled vacant and silent. She spoke kindness, as well as brittle.

"You came too soon."

**—  
Back then, when we met,  
it was all awkward.  
We went the long way, didn't we?  
We got there in the end.  
—**


	4. Every Heart

A/N—I don't own Inuyasha.

* * *

MORE THAN WANTED

Every Heart

* * *

•●•

"Kagome..." Kikyou began but stopped.

Inuyasha cringed a little, the name being brought into the miko's lips.

"She is a kind soul," the miko continued. "She is kind and sincere and she has acceptably allowed me to be with you."

Inuyasha raised his brows in surprise, unable to fight the urge to hide it. His smooth face turned stunned as he gazed at the miko intently. Hoping that Kikyou was joking. A little doubt played through his mind over and over.

'**Kikyou? Be a _joker_? Keh! That is a dream never happening, fool!**'

He could hear his inner self, laughing. Laughing like an idiot, something he would never do when something funny was shot out loud. Inuyasha frowned. She was _not_ joking.

"She has gladly told me that I can be with you again... and that you can be with me again..."

"Wh... what?"

Kikyou hid the disappointed in her eyes. She could feel the shock, the stupefaction, inside him and his voice in what she had just told him. Was he not happy?

"Do you not wish so for us to be together again?" she questioned silently, looking hopeful and hopeless at the same time. Hopeless rose when the hanyou did not answer.

Kikyou watched the hanyou. She was neither disappointed nor angry with him. She knew what was to come, and she fathomed this to arrive. Her face became expressionless, yet her eyes shone with sadness. She observed the blow her words had caused an impact in Inuyasha.

**—  
If there were many tears falling down,  
Every heart would become gentle.  
If everybody expresses what they think,  
Every heart can be satisfied.  
—**

He couldn't think. He couldn't understand. Most of all, he couldn't grapple the displeasure Kikyou's words had shot him.

He was looking at her. But he did not see her. His gaze stared right through her, as if she was never there. Just as though it was the wind that had spoke to him.

He tried to open his mouth, but for the first time ever, he could not think of anything smart or dumb to express. He was just dumbfounded.

_Kagome, you... what...?_

"Kagome... what?" he asked dumbly.

The echo of his bewildered verbalize reverberated silently around the clearing. Fireflies moved with it, shivering and twitching uncontrollably until they were soothed by the coming of the wind. One firefly circled about his head, buzzing humbly as it quickly flew away when it had badgered the hanyou's sight, rewarding it a dark glare and a quick swipe of the claws. Its light flickered, on and off, loud and quiet. But it did not flew too far for it still kept a watch at his silver hair.

Kikyou smiled, bringing up a hand to her chest-length. Slowly, a bright glowing ball of light flew on the pale palm, resting quietly as it ran to the tip of her fingers.

"I will repeat what I have told the young miko," Kikyou murmured. "I will take care of things that troubles her so. I can control the sight of reality. I can manipulate the very sight of something so worthless and fabricate it into something so precious in one's eyes. I can master as well as disguise..."

Inuyasha gave her a quizzical look.

"When I saw her, what everyone has told me to believe is true," Kikyou persisted. "She resembles me in a way any one can describe. As I watch her in the same clothing as I, I realize now that she indeed simulates my feature."

_"Don't come to me..." _

He watched as she lulled the firefly—perhaps the identical light-bug that had observed Inuyasha not too long ago—into the midst of her palm. She closed her hand into a soft ball of fist, watching the firefly glow brighter through the gaps between her fingers. With sudden wide eyes, the hanyou watched as Kikyou forcefully squeezed her hand firmly, tightening the space that pressured the glowing insect inside. When she opened her palm, the ball of light was not there anymore, as so was the insect.

Maboroshi... 

Smiling, Kikyou reached out a forefinger and touched Inuyasha's forehead. Blinking once, Kikyou's eyes gleamed with faint purple, the light escaped her eyes and ran towards the forefinger and into Inuyasha's head, creating a dim purplish glow in the hanyou's eyes before it departed in seconds. Inuyasha attempted to back away but Kikyou held her power to keep him from doing so.

The slight brush of her forefinger on his forehead down to his lips sent him a bizarre shudder. Although her skin was warm, this shiver was of coldness. The miko pressed her finger slightly against the bottom of his lip, smiling frailly.

"Now," she whispered. "You perceive the false image."

Inuyasha stood stunned, watching as the miko pulled her finger away and swung it back to her side. Before he could ask her a question, she simply pressed her body closer to him, radiating warmth he had never known Kikyou had had.

_Now you are forbidden to see the true perception_, the miko thought. _Until I am gone._

**—  
I was frightened by the neverending night,  
So I prayed to the distant stars.  
—**

He was blinded, he was confound.

Most of all, he was confused.

He couldn't grasp her back, no, he couldn't.

Either way, he couldn't pull her away as well. It was _her_ own scent he had forgotten. Her scent of incense from temple activities that he had sorely missed. Kikyou's smelled of incense as she had fifty years ago.

It was a smell he had forgotten when another greater aroma coated over it. A scent that soothed him every day and night. A scent he preferred to smell rather than... rather than... hers.

But...

_Whose was it? Whose scent was it? I need to know. I need to remember. I don't want this smell from long ago to come back. I want... I want... I want **her** smell back! Whose was it!_

'**Kagome... it's _Kagome_...**'

Inuyasha stifled a cry before realizing that he had quickly pushed her away. Enough that Kikyou had to stagger a bit to regain balance.

"I—Inuyasha..."

The hurt in her voice bestowed him great regret for ever doing that. Inuyasha bowed his head, hiding his eyes within the shadows beneath his silvery bangs. He went stiff, clenching his fists and teeth, hoping that it would help him from running away from Kikyou.

"What did she say?" he murmured.

Kikyou gazed at him.

"What did she say?" Inuyasha repeated quietly, fighting the frustration in his tightening throat. "What did Kagome tell you?"

To his surprise, Kikyou smiled and turned around, only to walk away a few feet from him. She stopped, where Kagome had once stood, her back still towards him, and closed her dull black eyes.

"She accepted," Kikyou replied melancholy. "It was what we both expected, Inuyasha. She wanted you to fulfill your wish to me, and she has gladly agreed with my favor. We are both one now, and I feel her emotions running through my body. In reflect, she can feel mine. Inuyasha..."

She turned her head to watch him in the corners of her eyes.

"You may say that Kagome is Kagome and I am me," she uttered lowly. "That had once been true. But now, we are one. Our soul has attached once again and..."

She couldn't continue. Even _this_ hurt _her_.

_And one of our soul is and will be slowly slipping away from one of our body..._

"What has said has been done and over with," the miko added. "She has surrender to it. I have surrendered to it. We both have done the same thing, never knowing whether it may be right or may it be wrong. But... we are _one_."

"But... but..."

_But... no._

He did not look away from the ground, just kept staring at it. His haori tousled a bit, his silver mane moving in different direction, as well as hers did. He couldn't speak, couldn't move. Only his eyes and his mind were able to do what he wanted to say from his mouth.

**—  
In endlessly repeating time,  
We were searching for love,  
Because we wanted to become stronger.  
We look up to the faraway sky.  
—**

_I **did** want this, ne?_

'**Yes. But...**'

_I **did** wish to be with Kikyou again. I'm kinda glad that she isn't going to hell and dragging me with her, anyways._

'**Yes. Still...**'

_I wanted to be with her, right? And I got that wish. _

'**Still... what about her?**'

Inuyasha closed his eyes.

_Who?_

'**Her**.'

_Which one?_

'**Kagome... Kagome. The girl who passes time. The girl that you... that I... that we... fell for**.'

He shook his head.

_I don't know!_

'**You don't know. But _I_ do.**'

_I want to be with Kikyou!_

'**_And_ Kagome**.'

_No! No... yes. I want to be with Kikyou, but I want to be with Kagome, too. _

'**Admit it. Having Kikyou's scent suddenly driving Kagome's scent away from your mind is driving you crazy. _Admit_ it.**'

_No. _

'**There's a thing called '_change of heart'_. In other ways, there's a thing called '_change of love'_. Got that?**'

_No. _

'**Whom do you love more? Who do you prefer more? Which one affected you more in a way you can't **

**describe? Which one?**'

_Keh. I don't know. I don't care. I don't care. _

'**Oi! You're _stupider_ outside than inside!**'

A growl ebbed his throat. He swallowed it back inside, fighting for his mind that what he debated outside was true than inside.

_"Just keep staying like that and everything will be fine..."_

What would be fine if he really _did_ stay like that? Would it have been really fine if he just held onto Kikyou rather than Kagome? What would be so bad if he really did choose Kikyou over Kagome? Would that make things better?

Or worse?

"I... I _can't_."

Instantly, it hit him. Like a boulder smacking on his back when she sat him every time.

_I don't get it. All this time, I wanted to be with her._

'**Which one?**'

_Her._

—  
**The two of us, smiling, meet here,  
Every heart has a habit of receiving its dreams.  
Sadness has no effect on us,  
Every heart gains happiness when it flies.  
—**

Inuyasha turned to look at Kikyou, rather, her back and narrowed his eyes with regret. The fireflies shone, but died. There were not much but a few left. They had ran away from his answer, as what he would do right now.

"Kikyou," he murmured. "I got my wish. Hai, I really did. And I'm pretty happy about it."

Kikyou's lips smiled, looking hopeful, though he couldn't see it.

_You will make everything all right again, Inuyasha_, she mused sadly. _If you say it right now, I will be both happy and sad. You do not need to answer me so soon. It will only slow down its Destiny. _

"Kikyou. I—I'm sorry, but... I... I can't."

**—  
Someday our souls will unite,  
We will give peaceful approval.  
—**

_"Don't come to me..."_

How can he not do that?

_"Don't..."_

How can he refuse it, though?

_"Don't come to me..."_

It was her. **Just** her.

_"Stay like that and everything will be all right..."_

No. He didn't want to stay like that. Especially when he was standing with the wrong woman.

_"Stay like that... Don't come to me..."_

_Kagome... How can I refuse you? How can I say no to you? I would die for you and it won't make any difference whether my heart just beats or dies for you. _

_"Don't come to me..."_

_For you. Just you..._

"Kikyou..." Inuyasha whispered.

Why aren't you saying anything? 

Kikyou stood there for a while. She stood motionless, staring at the ground with emotionless sad eyes. She did not move, nor blink.

The silence killed Inuyasha fidgety and soon he found himself fighting the urge not to run away once again. He was used to silence, to being alone. Long ago, it was silence that mostly bonded Kikyou and him together. But, right now, he needed a response or else.

"Is that your choice, then, Inuyasha?" Kikyo questioned meekly, yet hesitantly.

Certain but dumbly, Inuyasha just nodded. What else was he to say? That he loved Kagome more than Kikyou? That it had always been Kagome who had changed him from what he had wanted be long time ago? How can he say that to the one he had once loved? How can he just tell her that he didn't love her anymore? That everything had merely been a crush or obsession?

No, he couldn't bring himself to do so. He couldn't bring himself to do so. There was still that small past instinct in him where he still loved Kikyou no matter what and he can never abandon her just like that.

'**That would mean that you have betrayed her... again.**'

He felt guilty. No, it was beyond guilt. It was more and once again, betrayal. He felt as if he had betrayed her again. And he hated himself for feeling such thing.

"I cannot force you to choose, Inuyasha," Kikyou murmured afterwards. "It is not my will to drive you into choosing. Still..."

Kikyou sluggishly turned around to meet his saddened golden gaze, a smile on her lips. She sensed the astonishment in him, and it made her want to smile more.

"Still," she began. "Kagome has chosen this for me. She has chosen my Destiny as well as yours. It is not my finding and desires to impel her into making you go back to me. She has chosen and nothing can stop her from going back."

Inuyasha didn't say anything. He was out of his wits what to do or speak. His mind whirled only to one person.

Kagome had told Kikyou that she can go to him. And Kagome confidently told him to stay with her like that, embracing one and another. Kagome wanted him to be happy and he had gotten what he wanted. But...

_I love Kagome. _

Nothing can stop that. No hatred would ever propel him to hating her. Even in demon he will love her no matter what. Even in demon, he will always remember her. Even if he couldn't... even if he can't remember her. It was not her feature, but her scent, her voice... her smile. He would remember those eternally.

Turning around instantly, Inuyasha crouched low, preparing to leap onto a branch. He turned to look at Kikyou, doubts in his eyes.

"Give me more time," he whispered to her. "Give me more time to decide, Kikyou. Please. I... I have to..."

_I have to talk to her. I have to see her. Damn wench, why is she doing this to me! Fuck!_

Kikyou merely nodded, ignoring the fact that Inuyasha simply hurdled away into the clearing. She stared ahead, hope filling her eyes.

If she was to be with Inuyasha again, Kikyou must make sure that Fate will work properly and that no one will be hurt. No one but...

She turned the other way and began her march, into a place she called _nowhere_. _Nowhere_ seemed to be her home. For two years had she been resurrected had her habitation been _nowhere_. Maybe this Kagome miko from a distinct era will show her what _home_ really meant inside.

Maybe... just _maybe_.

Then every thing will be all right and back to normal again. Smiling softly, Kikyou looked up at the morning sky, watching as fireflies danced around her, pretending as if they are the souls that once danced around her.

The souls she had agreeably devoured just to live. Now that they were gone, maybe these fireflies will accompany her, instead. Something worth having around outside her body rather than her soul-stealers. Smiling once more, Kikyou closed her eyes.

"I will give you all the time you need," she whispered gently. "Whether it be a year or so, I will give you that time, Inuyasha. Maybe this Kagome will help me find peace and learn love. Just so long as it will make everything back to the way it had been... without me."

**—  
In endlessly repeating time,  
We know why we are living.  
We go through the nighttime laughing,  
Both of us are mourning, yet we walk on.  
—**

He found her there, sitting on a cliff he had not seen before. Maybe because they had been travelling for so long. Morning rose in this spot, the sun shone down on the earth as the wind picked up velocity. She was frail and beautiful at the same time. Her ebony hair dancing around her. But before he could take time to be mesmerized by her beauty, she swiftly turned her head around to watch him from the corner of her eyes.

Her face was placid, her smile subtle and dull.

"Inuyasha..." she murmured. "You came too soon."

This surprised the hanyou. Was she expecting him to be with Kikyou the whole day, the whole time? Growling, Inuyasha took a step forward.

"Kagome," he mumbled. He couldn't think of anything to say. All that came out of his mouth was, "_Why?_". He needed an answer quickly and later was no option.

Kagome smiled once again and turned away to look whatever it was below the cliff.

_Do you really need a reason? Do you really need an answer? I don't think I have to tell you over and over that I want it to be this way. That it **has** to be this way. _

Instead, Kagome brought up her legs and hugged them. She buried her chin against her knee and closed her eyes.

"Do you really need me to answer?" she asked.

Inuyasha frowned, walking closer towards her. He stopped suddenly when he felt her miko power fabricate a barrier a few feet away from the girl. He surrendered and stayed where he was, bowing his head.

"I needed to know," he answered. "From you. I needed to know what you really told Kikyou. Kagome... what did you tell her? Kikyou... Kikyou told me that... that you..."

"Yes, I did," Kagome replied nonchalantly. "...Is that so bad?"

The question hurt him so. He wasn't expecting her to sound so... placid. Her cool voice didn't even ring out the clearing. It sounded so dull, so calm, so cool. Most of all, the pain was formidable, no matter the pretending tone. Although she sounded vacant, there was no doubt it was of pain and rupture.

When Inuyasha strove to step forward, he had to stagger back when Kagome's miko barrier expanded. Scowling a little, the hanyou backed away before he was shoved gently unto the ground. The invisible obstruction, still tediously spreading.

"Kagome," the whisper was soft, more likely of a growl. It wasn't anger, it wasn't frustration, nor was it of hurt. It was more of confusion.

They were quiet for a while, a pretty long while. Possibly midway through an hour had past by before Kagome budged from hugging her knees. Casually, she slid her arms under her knees and sighed, a fatigue sort of a way.

"It wasn't her choice," was the simple answer she could give him.

There was no other answer. Inuyasha simply stared at her back, a flicker of dubious clicking in his iris. Her hair flared around her, as if her miko powers were seeping out of her skin. Needless to declare, his skin prickled a bit, rising to alert him that jeopardy will come. But what was there to call danger against this frail beauty that sat before him?

What danger could he run away from when he is just standing there behind the feature of a fragile elegance?

**—  
Memories of everything has settled,  
This is a warm place to be.  
The stars separate us from the future,  
We are always so brilliant,  
So shine.  
—**

"_Stay like that..."_

Like what?

"_Don't come to me..."_

_But I want to._ His mind flickered.

"_Don't... Please, don't..."_

Her words of not long ago still echoes his mind, like a flashback of pain that will never disappear. And, for sure, this will be one of those that will never vanish from his head. He narrowed his slits in pain, his face falling.

_But..._

"I _want_ to, Kagome..."

**—  
In endlessly repeating time,  
We were searching for love,  
Because we wanted to become stronger.  
We look up to the faraway sky.  
—**

Kagome cringed slightly. Want to what? Want to go to Kikyou? Want to leave? Want to be with her?

Shaking her head hesitantly, she loosened her protection, letting the invisible barrier dissipate slowly, as she motioned Inuyasha safely to step forward. He did not move.

Closing tired eyes, the miko gradually stood up; despite she kept her back facing the hanyou. She didn't want to see him yet. Not when these thoughts poured her head like buckets.

'**Are you doing the right thing?**'

_I am._

'**Are you making everything better?**'

_Of course. _

'**Are you sure that you can face him now? I mean, things are as bad as they are now...**'

_No. It had never been as bad as it was before. It's just... what it's supposed to be._

'**Will you let it go, though? Will you let everything else go?**'

Opening her eyes, Kagome turned around to gaze at the hanyou with warm eyes, startling him. Her clothing swished, her hair moved, her body moved, but her gaze with his did not. She gazed back coolly at his agitated stare, hoping that she could relax him before explaining everything.

"It wasn't her choice," she repeated. "It wasn't hers. It was mine to choose."

Lowering his head a little bit, Inuyasha took a step forward, hesitant that she might jostle him back. When the barrier had gone, he took no second thoughts to quickly marched in front of her.

"_Kagome_," he fumbled. "Why? How? Wh... what made you choose this? Why—_why did you_...?"

The crack and stutter in his voice gave away too much, it angered him. He hated exposing weakness, unmasking his sheath of concern and worry. This only proved him to be insipid and foolish. When he stopped, he was close enough to take one more step forward so that his frame could touch hers. And aggressively, he took that step and seized the girl's shoulder, frowning.

She didn't flinched, nor shut her eyes to wait for him to scream. Inuyasha had to compliment the girl's smartness since he wasn't going to do any of those. He didn't yell at her. He only gazed back at her eyes intensely as he could, hoping that she could read his yearning more willingly than spilling them out of his mouth.

"I chose it to be," she simply remarked. "She didn't force me. I didn't force myself. I just... _knew_ I had to do it."

_No!_ Inuyasha's mind whirled_. No! Don't make me choose, too! **No!**_

He eased the firmness of his grip on her arms, but did not let her go. Kagome wanted to do something, willing to act out something but she couldn't remember what it was. Whatever it was, it struggled to get out when the wind picked up and sent the hanyou's silvery mane fluttering towards her, caressing the sides of her cheeks, and she felt the spot tingle with itch. But she still couldn't remember what it was. In fact, she didn't even really care.

Her face was enfolded, shielded, from his soft hair, and the only scene she could see was his face, his eyes. He had surrounded her, forcing her to speak out whatever it was that he needed to know. His next words pained her.

"I want to be with _you_."

The utterance was soft, hurtful, to both of their ears and heart. Kagome's heart pounded, she could hear it, the thudding resonating all over the clearing. She kept her eyes subtle, dull, with all her might. She tried not to weep. She tried hard not to break down on her knees and sob. It was hard, yes, but she was still able to do so, so weak, even. Her voice was hoarse, as hoarse as his had been. But, nevertheless, she lingered strong though it did not work for her heart. Her answer pained him.

"_I can't_."

**—  
In endlessly repeating time,  
We know why we are living.  
We go through the nighttime laughing,  
Both of us are mourning, yet we walk on.  
—**


	5. Song of Truth

**A/N**—I don't own Inuyasha. nothing else to say... but please review after.

* * *

MORE THAN WANTED

The Song of Truth

* * *

_No!_ Inuyasha's mind whirled_. No! Don't make me choose, too--you can't!_

He eased the firmness of his grip on her arms, but did not let her go. Kagome wanted to do something, willing to act out something but she couldn't remember what it was. Whatever it was, it struggled to get out when the wind picked up and sent the hanyou's silvery mane fluttering towards her, caressing the sides of her cheeks, and she felt the spots tingle with itch. But she still couldn't remember what it was. In fact, she didn't even really care.

Her face was enfolded, shielded, from his soft hair, and the only scene she could see was his face, his eyes. He had surrounded her, forcing her to speak out whatever it was that he needed to know. His next words pained her.

"I want to be with _you_."

The utterance was soft, hurtful, to both of their ears and soul. Kagome's heart pounded, she could hear it, the thudding resonation all over the clearing. She kept her eyes subtle, dull, with all her might. She tried not to weep. She tried hard not to break down on her knees and sob. It was hard, yes, but she was still able to do so, so weak, even. Her voice was hoarse, as hoarse as his had been. But, nevertheless, she lingered strong though it did not work for her heart. Her answer pained him.

"_I can't_."

**—  
the crimson-stained sun  
has illuminated everything; now and the past  
is what i have imagined within this twilight  
more than my own hands can accomplish?  
—**

His eyes widened. His heart pounded--breaking.

"Wha... _what?_"

Kagome wanted to curl and die. She had to say this; she had to do this. Her love for Inuyasha would never go away but his love for Kikyou will never either. It was only a matter of time when he would come to her.

"Inuyasha," she whispered, smiling slightly. "No. Sorry, but, I can't."

The words were like daggers through his soul. They stabbed him in a way that even Kikyou's betrayal could not have created. Didn't this wench understand! He wanted only to be with her! _Her_, for Kami-sama's sake! Only Kagome!

"W—why?" he questioned incredulously. "W—why do you wantme tobe with... with..."

The stutter made him weak, his legs almost giving away. He'd realized it a long time ago, although he hesitated a bit sometimes. From perching on branches at night, walking ahead of the group, and finding time to rest alone... he'd had enough time to think.

Besides, two years was enough, wasn't it?

Even the power to hide his pain from everything else did not work on Kagome. The smile, the shine, and the soft look on her face. It made him cringed so. He could sense her flinch also, as she watched his eyes narrow in hurt, his lips pursing firmly together.

The stutter made him look feeble, sound feeble. The wind slowed, and his hair picked up soft rhythm, lowering a bit, to give the girl a view out of his locks.

"I'm not making you choose," Kagome whispered. "I'm not even making myself choose. It just... is."

He growled.

"No!" he cried. "Kagome, think this out! You can't just tell me to be with someone else! You can't just force someone to love another person when they're in love someone else...!"

She could feel it. Her heart leaped with joy and sadness. No, why was he telling her this? She wasn't supposed to hear these words from him. It only made it _difficult_.

But instead, Kagome closed her eyes and waited for the rapid beat of her heart calm down. She could feel the heat from his arms, softly gripping the side of her shoulders. And without even noticing, those warm hands begin to slide towards her back until she was pulled in an ecstatic embrace.

Opening her eyes halfway, Kagome let her arms droop to her side. If she held him in return, she would never stop holding onto him. And he was not hers anymore.

"Understand, please," she whispered. "It wasn't... it wasn't a choice. Understand, Inuyasha. Just... _understand_."

She shut her eyes when the occurrence of his soft hot breath flowed down her skin and he nuzzled the right side of her neck. She fought the urge to shudder in bliss.

"What's to understand, then? What's to understand, Kagome? I... I don't know why you're telling me this."

_You don't need to understand. All you need is to know. To know what I want you to go through. All I want you to do is agree to this._

"Inuyasha... just say '_yes'_."

He didn't answer.

"Please."

He held her tighter in return. He didn't want any words to explain what he felt about Kagome. All he wanted to do was... _this_. He smelled her scent, a scent that he would recognize forever. What was not to recognize when her scent almost blended in his?

"_Inuyasha_..."

He ignored the sounds around them. All he wanted to focus on right now was her voice, her aroma, and her self. He wanted to hear her voice again, wanted to hear her gentle understanding in whatever form he was in. But... _what's this?_

She was saying things he didn't want to hear. She was pleading him things he did not want to agree on.

Why? Why does she do that?

"Just say '_yes'_. Please, Inuyasha. Just say you do."

Even anger was not the emotion he felt right now. Anger, impatience, and frustrations... they did not conquer the feelings of heartbreak that rose within him. No, they did not. They merely were just toys unwanted and left out until needed again.

And all he could do now was to imprison her within his grip, quietly wishing that things were back to normal.

"It isn't my option. Nor hers. It just is, Inuyasha. It just is. Please, just say—"

"I can't."

**—  
please teach me how to live  
a little more vulnerably than i do now  
won't you taint me just a little?  
that way, even if i get hurt  
—**

_We've crossed this far. We've realized it now and then. I admit I was a little slow and a bit skeptical about it, but that was only two years and so. Sango and Miroku might've have already found out even before us. And I know Shippou knows about it already._

_We've played our little game, Kagome. I'm through playing it and I wanna get it over with. Now. Naraku's dead, and everything is fine. I can see and feel you now that I've always wanted to._

"I—Inuyasha..."

_I can tell you now what I've always wanted to tell you. I can hold you like this like I've done a long time ago but let me do this a little longer. I want to hold you even if you don't want me to. So I can... so I can..._

"I—Inuyasha... please..."

_No... no!_

_Why are you suddenly telling me this? Why are you suddenly forcing me to go to her when I want to go to you!_

"Kagome... no. Not... not yet."

He buried his face against her hair, hoping that he can plead her like this, hoping that this will calm his abrupt shaking nerves.

Was he supposed to say _yes_?

And if he did, would it be a mistake? He had promised Kikyou to be with her after Naraku was dead. But that was only a promise to even go to hell with her. And now that Naraku had gone, did he have enough courage to go back to her to hell when he wanted to be alive with Kagome?

He didn't want to go to hell. Even he would admit that to Shippou. But how can he tell Kikyou that? He wasn't one to break a promise and he objected being a liar. Growing up and learning every little thing from his mother, she had lectured him enough about lies and truths.

'**But you'll have to, don't you?**'

He didn't know which reasons made his heart crack truly more; the part that Kagome didn't want to be with him, or the part that she wasn't returning his hold on her. Which could only define her seriousness at him being with Kikyou instead.

'**I think both sounds reasonable...**'

And what would happen if he were to say _no_?

That was the only thing his mind pushed him into wanting to do, also his heart.

'**Your heart—no... my heart. It's gotten attached to Kagome that quick, didn't it? No matter what you and I would do, the thread that Kagome had tied around it would never tear**.'

_But, is it too soon to believe that?_

'**And the funny thing is... no matter how much string Kikyou ropes around our heart, it's no compared to the feeling Kagome's cord had constricted yours. Admit it, the love you have—_had_—for Kikyou... it's completely gone.**'

He stayed silent, unable to answer. How can he defy his own thoughts? They had never lied... only doubted.

He opened his eyes and stared at the forest below, the river shimmering in rainbow. His mind and soul were in frenzy, fighting for an answer within his calm outer feature. It eased him a bit to know that Kagome hadn't pulled him away yet, hoping to Kami that he could make _her_ understand.

"I—Inuyasha..."

He concealed his pain by shutting his eyes firmly and pulling her as close to his chest as he could as her pained whispered breath heated the spot it had touch on his chest.

_I want to... just let me... let me..._

"...Just let me hold you," he mumbled against her skin. He felt a tingle of rapture run through his spine when the skin on her neck shivered. He felt her arms twitch a bit, as if longingly wanting to embrace him in return. But she stopped and let them droop lazily once more.

"If... If you won't let me choose it myself, and do it yourself instead... at least, let me hold you."

**—  
and lose everything around me  
this song of truth will flow through my heart****this dispute will probably go on  
about that which is most precious  
—**

She stifled a soft gasp of cry, suppressing with all her life not to return his grip however trying hard not to sob. She only let him hold her, hoping it would ease her. But his warmth, his croaky voice, and shaky breath only made it worse. It only made her shiver, with fear, with anguish.

'**He's not lying**.'

_I know._

'**He meant all those**.'

_I know._

'**He wants to be with—**'

_I know._

'**Then... why are you rejecting?**'

She tried so hard to shut her eyes as tightly as she could, the pain around her lids aching.

_You should know._

_I can't do this myself_, Kagome thought_, I can't decide what I have to do for myself. I need help, but I can't have that. I... I have to do this myself. Either do it or leave it. And leaving it isn't my options._

She knew from the beginning that they would never be together after Naraku was destroyed. Although she wanted to so much be with him, it would never happen. They were simply two different beings living in each other's space from separate time. A girl from the future and a boy from the past. Despite how much it sounded so romantic to anyone's thought, it wasn't entirely true.

She had sacrificed so many days, so many weeks away from the future, away from her education. She offered most of her school days and weekends just to be with Inuyasha, just to find the Shikon no Kakera, just to beat Naraku. Most of all, just to realize why coming across this place was so important than high grades and enjoying time with family.

And she had already figured that out. It was so simple. From being in this place for more than a year... from spending so many times with Shippou, Sango, Miroku, and Inuyasha... from hunting down youkai... it was so simple. Yet, she doubted it before until she had came across Inuyasha and Kikyou together.

And she trusted that this decision was the right thing to do.

Loosening the tightness of her closed eyes, Kagome relented and thoroughly let her balance fall, hoping that he would still hold her up. Burying her face against his haori, Kagome savored this final touch and hesitantly moved her fingers.

_I want to so much, too..._

She felt his heart skip against her cheek, and the chance to hold her up himself only made him imprisoned her within his grasp even more. She exhaled softly and murmured his name.

_I want to so much to... just to..._

She rose her arms skeptically, unsure if she should be doing this. Opening her eyes halfway, she gazed at the silver and red view. She fought it but her eyes still watered. Slowly, she lifted her hands up, sliding them under his arms and slowly against his back, holding him against her, as well.

... _Do this. I just want to do this, too..._

But the hardest would be to let him go. She didn't want that but she had to, needed to. For her sake, Kikyou's sake, as well as Inuyasha sake. She wasn't entirely sure how in the world she had came to trusting Kikyou all of a sudden.

Before, all she had thought of the miko was that she had been evil ever since her resurrection started. That all Kikyou wanted was to kill Naraku and Inuyasha, and take the hanyou with her to hell. Kagome didn't remember Inuyasha promising to go to hell with her, but she was sure he would still do that. Besides, their love weren't gone yet. For more than fifty years it had never dissipated.

It's hard to let first love go. Even if you've gotten over it, there was still a slight chance it would never be completely erased. Kagome trembled at the thought. Like first love... perhaps second love is just the same.

'**Does that mean that all the things he's told you... he's also said those same words to Kikyou?**'

**—  
i've become a rebel, i've overlooked things  
even the gentle smiles of strangers****if eternity knows what manner of darkness  
and when pain will vanish,  
—**

She opened her eyes.

_Wh... what?_

'**Wouldn't that be true, then? Since the hanyou is almost wise at all this 'romantic' pieces... he might have done the same thing to Kikyou as what he's done and said to you... right?**'

She loosened her hold on him.

_Then I guess I'm making the right choice, huh?_

It took her all her will power just to pull him away. He protested for a bit but gradually let her do it. She gazed at him with unresponsive eyes and smiled again.

"Then... it's decided?" she spoke softly. "That you'd... agree with me?"

He didn't answer. He merely gazed back at her with eyes she knew would not lie. He was still disagreeing but she had to find a way to make him say yes.

"Don't do this, Inuyasha," she whispered pleadingly, surprising him.

Shutting her eyes and looking away, she clenched her fist.

"I've told you this already," she continued. "It wasn't my choice. Nor was it Kikyou's! And I'm not forcing you! And if I have to, I will! Just say _yes_! It's for the good of everything else! Don't... don't—"

She stopped as she gazed at his gold eyes. She wasn't entirely surprise to find him staring at her with so much pain. It was a suffering she could further feel inside her, eminently in her heart. She hated seeing him look like this.

'**But you realize... that there are some things he had told you that he... had never told Kikyou.**'

She paused to turn around, facing him with her back.

_Like what?_

'**Your presence.**'

_What about my presence?_

'**He didn't like it when you're far apart from him.**'

Opening her eyes, Kagome turned her head to look at him over her shoulders, the widespread of her miko sleeves flailing forwards as well as her hair. Smiling, she stared at his eyes.

"It's for our sake," she murmured gently. "I... I don't want to hate you, Inuyasha. I just want you to have a normal living with someone from... from your time. Don't worry about me. I'm just Higurashi Kagome, the girl that crosses through time..."

She moved her head to gaze at the ground.

"I'm just a girl that lives in the future. Maybe I'd been better off staying there and never discovering this place. I guess I was meant to be lonely. I was meant to live a normal life... until I found you."

**—  
then that way, you shall taint me  
i looked always to yesterday, to the castles in the sky  
when will i be able to follow them?  
this song of truth shall be my guide  
—**

"Before I came here, I was just Higurashi Kagome... the ordinary schoolgirl who lives in a temple. I was so worked up minding my own business and hanging out with my friends... so worked up in studying that... I never really paid any attention to fate."

Inuyasha could do nothing but listen. He couldn't think, or even talk. For once, he couldn't find the time to act so normally.

"But then... I met you," Kagome watched the grass dance with a well-kept smile. "And my title of being the typical schoolgirl changed. Now, it's hard for me to keep up being a normal girl, a reincarnated miko with purifying powers, and be someone who can see the Shikon no Kakera and purify evil that's tainted in them. I have to admit... it made me a little bit exhausted. Wait, what am I talking about...! Of course it made me really tired. But"—she turned around to look at him—"It... it was worth it. Just to be with you."

He lifted a hand to her, but dropped it. What was he to say? He couldn't reply to her with words. No, words were nothing compared answering her sorrowful remarks.

"K—Kagome... I..."

She shook her head.

"_No_," she uttered. "I don't need any answering. I guess I can figure all these out on my own."

He let his hand sag to his side, lips pursing.

"But... I—"

"It's nothing, Inuyasha," Kagome beamed softly. "I know that one way or another, we'll be separated. I can't control fate, especially mine and especially yours. I can't change everything, even if I'm a powerful miko, can't I? I can only purify and I was only good for looking at shards. But I guess I was also great at giving you some confidence. Well, that's me... Higurashi... Kagome..."

_Don't cry._

"Some way or the other, Kikyou would come back. You both love each other. I mean, fifty-two years is pretty long, right? I bet it is!"

_Don't cry._

"Demo..." Inuyasha took a step forward but she stopped him, holding her hand out, shaking her head. It hurt him to see her smiling so brightly, her face lifted into a blissful gratitude. He clenched his teeth, bowing his head.

_I don't want to say yes. Even if I have to, I don't want to lose you. If I do, would it make things any better? What's normal anyway? Just being with you is normal enough._

_I don't need to be with someone I used to love, Kagome. I want to be with someone who really trusts me, who really knows._

_I want to be with someone who can understand me. And you were the only one who understood me, who accepted me. How can Kikyou do that, Kagome. How can she compare to you?_

He pressed his fangs against his bottom lips, shadowing his face within the shadows of his silver bangs. Hiding his clenched hands underneath his widespread crimson sleeves, he ignored the blood pulsin gout of his palms as his claws punctured his skin slightly.

Even physical pain wasn't working.

_How can I say yes? I don't want to. I want to... but you don't want me to. You... you want to say..._

"Don't worry! I can take care of myself. Besides, I'm seventeen-years-old. That's old enough, ne? You and Kikyou will be just fine! I mean, you guys are meant for each other. I can't complain but you fit better with her than—"

_With me._

**—  
if eternity knows what manner of darkness  
and when pain will vanish,  
this song of truth will flow through my heart  
—**

She stopped to take a breath, trying her every will to beam happily.

"Now... will you say yes, Inuyasha? I mean... if you want to have some time to think this through, you can"—she offered him her best grinned—"I won't stop you. But I will if you don't say yes. Got that? ...Boy, what are we doing here, standing on this cliff! Let's go, Inuyasha! We can go back to Kaede's hut and rest for a while! Then, maybe I can finally get you to say—"

"_Yes_."

**—  
now, please, taint me just a little  
please, just taint me, only a little  
—**

Kagome froze, but quickly gathered herself, still smiling.

"Excuse me?" she asked quietly, although a bit worried.

When she looked at Inuyasha, the suffering look in his eyes had disappeared and were replaced with unemotional seriousness. His grave lips were formed into a straight firm line, gazing at her intently.

"I said, _yes_," he responded monotonously, with no emotion.

She couldn't help but bite her lip, but she attempted to sigh with relief. Grinning, she placed her hands to her hips and looked back at him defiantly.

_This is all I can do. If I can pretend and be happy, I will. Just to try and make him smile again._

"Good!" she replied. "The quicker the better then.Um... hmm... Inuyasha?"

Tediously moving his head up to see her, he turned his head away a bit instantly, cringing at her ever-so happy face.

"Y—Yeah?"

To his surprise, Kagome chuckled playfully.

"C'mon, Inuyasha. Cheer up!" she grinned. "It's not the end of the world! You can be happy, I can be happy... that's fair, isn't it?"

He didn't look at her. Pausing to calm herself, Kagome let her arms sink to her side, her raven hair flying around her back. Tilting her head to one side, she observed the hanyou.

"I'll be fine," she murmured quietly. "I can take care of myself. I'm all grown-up now. Things change, anyways, Inuyasha. And you can't control fate. That's what I thought at first, to change fate. But I knew I was being foolish. I was just a fool changing my fate, wishing so badly just to be with you. But then again, the opposite came true."

He looked at her for a moment, watching her shrug. Sighing heavily, Kagome pushed hair her behind her ears and straightened her clothing. Giving him one more smile, she marched past him, walking away.

"Be happy, Inuyasha," she murmured. "I don't like seeing you like that. I want to see _you_ smile..."

_Like you want to see **me** smile, too._

"Kagome..."

She stopped, but didn't look at him. She was still close behind but far enough from his reach, their backs faced against each other.

"Yeah?"

Inuyasha hesitated, staring at the ground underneath him.

"Am I... am I making the right choice then?" he muttered quietly. "Are you sure that this is the right choice?'

Kagome responded with with a soft breathe and started walking away, forgetting the fact that he couldn't see her lips curve upwards in an uneasy position but somewhat willing to smile still.

"_No_," she whispered in return, carefully choosing her words and hiding the pain. "You made the best choice."

**—  
this song of truth shall be my guide...  
—**


	6. Mischievous Kiss

A/N—_I don't own Inuyasha_. Complete! Yay! Ive left you all a cliffhanger for your minds to create. :D Just to let you know, all the song lyrics are Inuyasha ED songs translated in English.

sorry for reposting this. i had to edit some of here and there and i don't think you'd notice it...

* * *

MORE THAN WANTED

Mischievous Kiss

* * *

•●•**  
**

**Giving a mischievious kiss while making an innocent face  
The malicious me is being childish  
I've already gotten used to being called conceited  
I just can't say the phrase "I love you"  
My sweet emotion  
**—

Could she leave him? She needed a reason to know why she was leaving him. A real good reason to make sure she was doing the right thing. A reason that could make her feel better. Only... she _couldn't_.

She was left stuck to reason out her thoughts that jumbled all around her head. As she wandered through the forest denominated after him to search for the well, Kagome was gone trying to find an excuse for her self why she was doing this.

A part of her told her it was Kikyou's never-ending emotions of love and betrayal. Another part told her something she couldn't admit even to her self.

As she crossed through thorny bushes and tall trees, she slowly set foot on the area she must pass to head home; Goshinboku. The clearing was full of deadened leaves and ancient twigs. Mostly, the ground was covered with chubby roots, which stretched and exposed above the ground's surface, originating from the sainted tree.

Kagome couldn't bear stopping by to observe the age-old plant, couldn't bear to think anything about it. How could she? This tree always, always reminded her of _him_. It was the source that placed both Inuyasha and Kagome together, the source that created a bond between them. She could neverstop to think about it.

If she did, the connection she wanted to break from him would thread itself around her and his heart once more. And she couldn't stand it when Kikyou's rope was trying so hard to seize him with difficulty.

And she knew.

She knew what the outcome would be if she, herself,were to stay here with him. And it wasn't fair. She had no right to interfere with an everlasting love. She wasn't the type of person. She hated meddling in other people's relations. She wasn't the type to go off and grabbing some other girl's boy. And although Kikyou's and Inuyasha's weren't the same, she knew she'd hate herself for trying to win his heart instead of Kikyou winning his.

She quickly passed the revered area, suppressing the heavy hurt her heart weighed her down. It was painful, the hurt. As soon as she departed the clearing, her heart seemed to balance her down the earth, down to hell, that she had to clutch it to keep it from breaking apart.

_I hate this feeling. I hate it so much; I want it to go away... _

She cried and fell to her knees, clutching firmly between her breasts. It wasn't physical pain; she wasn't hurt from the aftermath of Inuyasha and Naraku's battle. No... it was just her heart.

The pain it emitted was like no pain she had ever imagined. It was worse than the pain she felt after seeing Inuyasha and Kikyou holding each other. It wasn't like the pain she felt when the visions of them kissing each other, nor the feeling she felt for Inuyasha after Kikyou had 'suddenly' died again by Naraku's hands the second time.

No. It was much worse. She pressed the tears coming out of her eyes inside her, refusing to fall down and weep. She refused to show any signs of weakness throughout her surroundings.

She regretted hugging him in return. That, only, was the cause of her heartbreak.

_Go away._

She moaned and moved her other hand to her chest, clutching her heart with both pair of trembling fingers. Oh, it felt like she was going to die.

_Was heartache this painful?_

She staggered as she stood up, placing a hand to a nearby tree to poise her self. She moved her head up, ignoring the familiar sense her miko powers were telling her. She wasn't going let anyone see her going weak for nothing, she was never going to show anyone that she was this frail girl always needing to be saved. She needed to be strong.

She stared ahead and kept on walking, her chest trembling. She frowned and narrowed her eyes to get a better view of the Bone-Eater's well's steppe... had the well been this far?

She had never really taken notice where the well was planted. All she ever cared was worrying where the others were; or else she would have gotten lost somewhere on the other side of the forest. And most of the time, Inuyasha waited for her somewhere up on a branch, anticipating her presence whenever his senses would tell him that her scent was nearing by.

She smiled. The memories of it all were not forgetful.

_He thinks I don't know,_ she mused quietly to her self, trying to cheer her self up,_ he thinks I'm too stupid that I don't notice what his senses can do._

"Inuyasha," she murmured. "I've known you for two and a half years. Don't think I'm that stupid. Because I'm not..."

Without thinking, she smiled at her surrounding, maybe at him, and her torso stopped trembling for a bit. She let go of her hand against the tree beside her and marched tediously towards the well.

"Though," she whispered pleasantly, cracking an invisible smile, "it was nice to pretend, though. It really was..."

The air around her was warm and soft. Its caressesaround her nakedher unclothed skin made her shiver, the leaves flying around her. The shiver that sent through her from each breeze's contacts reminded her of Inuyasha's soft silky silver strands. She held her hands together in front of her and watched leaves on the trees up ahead dance around the afternoon wind.

She stopped continuously, moving her head around to search her surrounding, to look all around the forest. If she was going to go home permanently, she needed to make a good picture of the forest, the only forest she preferred. For it was named after him. She didn't want to forget this place, this area. They often traveled at this spot, and they often camped on this ground.

The sudden thought of 'them' made her heart tremor a bit. She had forgotten to say good-bye to Sango, Miroku, Kirara, andespecially Shippou. But it was good that they not know about her depart. It was best for Shippou to stay in Kaede's hut, and possibly live with Sango and Miroku for a while.

She heard many sounds, like the birds or the animals close by. And when she had the time, she would go into the quietness and make believe that she could hear as sharp as Inuyasha could. It was a wondrous feeling, to hear so many things. She had even heard things she barely heard every day.

But observing Inuyasha's action, she took the hint that it was annoying for him at times. She couldn't really yell as loud and she wanted, as if she was screaming angrily at the world, and if she did, she could see that his ears would twitch to face behind him and away from her voice. The look of hurt in his eyes and the hidden wound in his voice would come up to surface. And no matter how much he or she tried to hide those hurts, they knew they would see it any day.

_Maybe I shouldn't have yelled at him too much_, she thought_, I can't even remember why we were arguing so much. The only three reasons I find are my time era, ramen, and Kikyou._

Sighing defeatedly, Kagome crossed through a large bush, leading her straight to the clean region of the well. It was always a sight that amazed her. The slender roots and mixed vines blanketing around and over the well were a perception she had never really taken the time to see through. When she strode towards it and slowly looked over the shadowed inside, the stench of old bones and dirt filled her senses.

_If I jump now... I won't be able to come back. And even if I know I could, I doubt I'll have the courage to see them again. If I can just..._

Pausing a bit, Kagome restrained herself and sat at the edge of the well, facing the open view of the grassy fields ahead. She turned to look at the spaces where she had recurrently seen Inuyasha rest upon on, and placed her hands firmly on her lap.

She would go back looking like Kikyou. Her school clothes, they were torn and bloodied, including her burnt and dissolved bag from Naraku's poison acids. Now, she wore the clothing of someone whom she was supposed to be reincarnated from. And somehow, it hurt her again.

It hurt her. So much. Kagome grabbed a handful of cloth on her loose red pants and bowed her head, staring blankly at the green grass underneath her sandals.

"It hurts," she whispered softly to the air around her, but she knew. "It hurts, Inuyasha. Because... you saw me as Kikyou in the beginning. And now..."

_Go away._

"Now, you'll see me as Kikyou again in the end," she forced a small smile, "what a coincidence, huh? The irony it all makes... sounds a little funny... doesn't it?" That smile quickly faded into a straight line.

_Go away._

The leaves rustled behind her with protests, the air behind her growing unhappy. But she ignored it. She didn't care. This was both pasts of her time and her beloved. Her present was waiting for her, her present in the future. In the time she belonged to appropriately.

Casting a glance behind the protesting trees behind, she let one corner of her lips curve up.

"Where would you be if I know you'll be waiting? I know it would embarrass you if I tell you that you wait for me every day and night by the well. I know it would expose your weakness to tell you what... or who your weakness is. And is I have to admit, I'll tell you who I think it is. Or who I think they are..."

_I can't compare to her, Inuyasha. Because I don't want to. She's much better than I am. She's in your time and in your world. She should be in your eyes. _

"She... she's suffered more than me," she muttered turning back to look at her lap.

_What am I supposed to suffer? I hardly remember what ever I had suffered from but heartache. But I suffer, too, in a different way. I suffer for someone else. That's why I feel a pain that hurts so bad it's ripping me apart. _

_I've felt Sango's pain, of losing a family, a clan, in one night. __I've felt Miroku's pain of worrying of the Kazaana that might devour him any day. __I've felt Shippou's pain of worrying for me day and night when I'm gone and the worry of his parent's death. __I've felt Kikyou's pain... the pain of betrayal and lost love. The pain of longing the one who she had believed in thinking that killed her. __I've felt Inuyasha's pain... so many times. Of worrying about me... when I'm in trouble. Of secretly thinking about Kikyou, of how much it hurts him to have his first love die. _

Kagome moved a hand to feel the cool sphere clung around her neck, hanging loosely over her chest.

_Those aren't a problem to know. But... i__t's making me confused. Because-_

"-I don't know what I'm really suppose to feel," she breathed.

_I can't remember the mixing emotions I've felt after suffering for someone else._

"But who cares, anyways," she mumbled monotonously. "I was always Kikyou to you."

_Go away._

**—  
Checking that perfect smile one last time in front of the mirror  
After jumping out in pursuit of excitement, let's walk with pride  
—**

He was watching her from afar, at a distant that she wouldn't sense. He attempted so many times to keep to his place on the tallest tree's sturdy branch, growling at himself lowly at watching her fall on her knees as if she were in invisible pain.

He watched in furious silence as Kagome moved her hands to clutch her chest. She groaned and staggered up, holding herself from a tree nearby. For God's sake... he wanted to go to her.

'**See what happens when all decisions are made without thinking it through?**'

He growled and clenched his hands into a tight ball of fist, another trail of blood flowing out from the clawed skin, coating over the dried blood he had clamped tightly earlier.

_I... Ididn't have a choice._

'**No, you didn't. You didn't have a choice because of what you're putting her through. Of what you're putting everyone in. But it's not you or me. It's a thing that had forced you to answer things quickly. It's called regret. You know how she's hurting. You know she's been hurting ever since she's found out about Kikyou and you, especially the day she found out of your relationships to her. But you agreed, you idiot. No one has got the right to—**'

_I didn't have a choice!_

The blood trailing down his hands onto the branch flowed faster, newer vital fluid ebbing out of his skin. He didn't feel the pain, nor wanted to. It wasn't enough to ease the excruciating ache that severed inside him; as if splitting his already wounded soul in pieces by the hands of someone he wanted to love.

He shook his head and moved forward to another tree, as Kagome marched gradually forward, still clutching her chest. He paused once in a while to think, watching helplessly as Kagome limped her way through.

'**Tell me something. Tell me something that I don't understand.**'

His eyes softened and his gazed turned slowly to look at his sharp view of the well far ahead. The air started, grazing his face quietly, and snatching his silver strands backward to dance around with them. He narrowed his eyes as his front hair scraped his view a bit.

'**Tell me, hanyou. Give me the reason why you want to leave her. Give me your best shot to convince your own mind why you would willingly leave the only person that you want to be with.**'

Inuyasha pursed his lips tightly, turning to gaze at the ground a hundred feet below his perch. His wide-sleeves flung behind him, the opening of his haori moving slightly apart, exposing the white top inside. He hesitated.

Was he really pulling away his own thoughts? The thoughts that told him all the things that were right? Was he really just pulling in another set of thoughts that encouraged him to believe whatever he wanted? To believe that everything would be alright and that this never happened?

How could he? His thoughts were right, they never lied. He only did what he could try to ignore it and doubted everything else. Yeah... he was good at that. To deny things that were correct. To deny his own feelings.

'**Tell me**.'

_I didn't have a choice_. That was all he could say to himself. He didn't have a choice.

'**So, that's it?**'

He stopped to look up at the well far ahead. The sudden chill that ran through his spine wracked his whole body. And suddenly, an image of a deceitful frail face appeared continuously in his eyes.

"No."

'**No?**'

"No."

He moved his hand to touch the wrenching spot where his heart was. He stared perpetually below him and lay back against the tree's trunk.

_Her face._

The wind moved to fling his hair in front of him, but he didn't notice it.

'**Oh, yes. Her face. So I wasn't the only one that noticed it...**'

He let a leg freely swung over the sturdy perch while the other bent up, placing an elbow loosely on it. The blood was left unobserved, nor did the pain it fabricated left unconsidered. Still, that excruciating pain was still there, lingering around his heart, waiting for the moment when his thoughts strike him to the core and briskly drive through her heart until it burst and faded away, leaving nothing but the visible heartache he felt for years.

'**What did you see?**'

_What I saw? I saw her... I saw her face and..._

'**And...?**'

_She was... smiling. _

'**Hmm, what is wrong with smiling?**'

Inuyasha growled.

_No! That wasn't it! _

The wind died and left the hanyou sitting calmly on a high nest, his hair scattered all around his shoulders.

'**Then, what?**'

The memories that occurred this morning came back to his head and it made him feel uneasy.

_She was smiling. And... it hurts. _

'**Why does it hurt?**'

_Because she's faking it. _

'**Are you sure about that? What if she's not?**'

_I know. I'm not just a hanyou by accident and I could smell her tears. I can sense every thing around her. And her aura proves it all._

'**Very well, then. She has given you something you wanted to see. Isn't that what you wanted?**'

_Huh? _

'**Fool. You are an idiot. Have you forgotten how much you don't like seeing her so sad? Have you not remember the time you hated yourself for making her cry so much? For breaking her heart so much? And that you would do anything to make her smile.**'

_I remember that. It's just..._

'**Well, she's smiling. And she knows she hurts more than you do. She's faking it, but what's wrong with that?**'

_It's not... it's... you don't understand—_

'-**Stop doubting me then, you _fuck_!**'

**—  
People walking down the street, nailing everyone's glance down  
Surprisingly bold, almost laughable  
—**

Inuyasha cringed tensely. Since when was his head so pissed off?

'**Because. I've been doubted by your goddamn acts so many times and its time for you to realize that I'm _right_!**'

_But..._

'**But, my _ass_. You know I'm right, you just don't wanna admit it. And it's really pissing everyone off when you're always acting like a jackass.**'

_It wasn't a choice. It wasn't a—_

'**Stop it, fool! You're acting like a child again! Stop it! You aren't a loner, you idiot! Stop acting like an idiotic child and—**'

"_Fuck_, shut up!" Inuyasha snarled angrily and immediately stood up, swiping his claws through the tree's body, shoving his claws inside the tree, furiously twisting his claws inside, feeling his skin being scraped.

_I'm not a child. I ain't a goddamnchild no more. I can take care of myself and I don't need nobody. I ain't a kid anymore. I'm not that goddamn forsakenlittle loserthat everyone intimidated long ago!_

'**You're not. I know you're not**.'

His quick breaths pacified and he quickly gathered himself.

No. He wasn't a child anymore. He wasn't that child everyone hated. He wasn't that small kid that helplessly let people make fun of him. He wasn't that weakling of a hanyou anymore.

Now... It was his turn to turn the tables around and dishearten people rather than them doing to him. It was his turn to show those humans how strong and tough he could be. It was time for him to change everything around and be something everyone feared; to be a youkai and show them, show his father... how strong he can be alone. Only...

The times he would think and desire that... the time his images of a powerful youkai reaching out to overpower humankind's weakness, the image of it fades away and in replaces an ebony-haired woman with a face he could not read. It was a woman who he thought he loved, and the woman who had 'killed' him. And when he would reach out an arm to reach her, her portray would vanish like a reflection on a river.

And another black-haired woman appeared.

A woman who smiled at him so many time. The woman who seemed to make his heavy heart feel light at the mere sight of her smile and the mere sound of her laughter. It was the woman that he wanted to be with. And when he reached out a hand to grasp her, she did not disappear.

Thus, the name of the beautiful girl echoed inside him, reverberating inside him, making him a little lightheaded.

_Kagome... Kagome... Higurashi, Kagome..._

There was another small voice in the background, another name being called. But it was not as loud and effective as the name _Kagome_ booming inside.

'**Should I remind you something... Inuyasha.**'

Inuyasha heaved out a final heavy breath, licking his suddenly dry lips.

_Yeah, what?_

'**Might I remind you to keep moving ahead? I _think_ Kagome's reached the well already.**'

Inuyasha flicked his ears with irritation.

_Fuck._

He pulled his clawed hand out of the tree and quickly bounded off the roost and headed instantly towards the Bone Eater's Well.

**—  
Filled with boredom, I just place my chin on my hands and nod at your words  
The text-message I write during our conversation says "I'm feeling good with him right now"  
—**

She was waiting for him but he wouldn't come.

Why would he?

Kikyou was there, waiting for him.

Kagome sighed and turned her head to look down at the well behind her. The eerie look it gave still gave her chills, and although she was suppose to get use to it, she didn't. She was always so worried about what happened on the other side of her times.

_He won't come. Inuyasha won't come for me. He shouldn't..._

She sighed and clutched her pants.

_Kikyou's there. _

"Inuyasha won't come for me," she whispered. "He should go to Kikyou. She... she needs him more than me. He should need her more than me. I should just... butt out."

With the finality of her thoughts, Kagome turned around to swing her legs loosely back and forth over the well. She gripped the well's lip and paused a bit.

She didn't want to go yet. She wanted to see Inuyasha one more time, to give her courage to go back home. She wanted him to come over to her... just to say good-bye, so that she knew he was there... watching her as she take her part home.

Several tears formed her eyes and she turned to look at the protesting trees. She smiled and slowly slid her rear over the well.

"Inuyasha..." she murmured gently, trying to keep her voice in one tone. "I'll... see you soon, sometimes, if I can. If I could. Inuyasha..."

_Inuyasha... Inuyasha... _

His name echoed inside her head. She couldn't blame herself. Inuyasha had been the first boy she had fallen in love. He was as a matter of fact the only odd boy she wanted. And to think how greedy she had been those times made her regret everything.

No other man had made her feel the way Inuyasha affected her. The sense of responsibility for the irresponsible half-demon-half-human seemed like a part of her life. And she would continue showing Inuyasha the world he thought were nothing but terrorizing and intimidation. She wanted to show him how great life could be without having to turn into something she didn't want him to be.

But she had no control over his life and she didn't want to get in the way regardless. She wouldn't anymore.

"Inuyasha," she whispered. "I..."

_I can't say good-bye. No! I won't say good-bye, yet! _

And with that thought, she slowly pulled herself down the well, gasping loudly as she looked up at the last view of Sengoku-Jidai, the beautiful sight of the clear sky and the clouds rolling by, as if waving at her farewell. Her tears left her eyes, and she quickly choked out one last loud sob, watching as the sky began to disappear...

Watching... as a red blur crossed the view and a figure cried out her name hazily. And she was left to silently cry and sob the pain in her chest out.

"Inuyasha," she whispered delicately, reaching out a hand towards the darkening figure above.

"...I... I think..."

And the last thing she knew was the purple light engulfing her, as it quickly turned black and left her benumbed and tired, closing everything around her as the life she had hoped to have with her beloved faded away like the morning breeze, the fireflies moving in around as of souls like a newly found companion.

The last image that came to her mind as the darkness swallowed her... were the pictures of a happy 'undead' miko in the arms of a blissfully delighted hanyou, and the sudden images of children running around them.

_And I thought that... we always wanted to be together. But it's just a dream. But it's okay. So long as... you... and I are happy with what we've got. Right?_

The tears overflowed her eyes, no matter how hard she tried to suppress them. But she waited until she disappeared, smiling as the thought of Inuyasha finally being happy with someone he loved so much with his heart traced around her breaking heart.

_Inuyasha... I think I love you._

**—  
Like trying on lots of clothes that are in fashion  
Surprisingly greedy, almost dumbfounded  
—**

..._It hurts... i__t hurts, Inuyasha. Because... you saw me as Kikyou in the beginning. And now... n__ow, you'll see me as Kikyou again in the end._

_What a coincidence, huh? The irony it all makes... sounds a little funny... doesn't it?_

"No!"

He didn't want to see her like that! He didn't want to deceive himself again and think of Kagome being Kikyou again. No, he couldn't bare hurting her again.

He was too late to stop her from sliding down the well. He had been in too much of a trance, aghast at Kagome's statements and arguing with his own thoughts again.

And now, it was too late. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't ask Kagome to come back anymore.

_She... she's suffered more than me... __I don't know what I'm really suppose to feel... b__ut who cares, anyways... I was always Kikyou to you._

That made him angry and it snapped him from his trance, forcing him to bound off his perch and run towards her. Only, it was too late.

"K—Kagome!"

He streaked across the well and stood to look over the darkness. His heart clenched even harder and the anger in his eyes turned soft as he fought the urge not to let out an emotion he had been trying hard to hide ever since he was a kid.

He shut his eyes and angrily rubbed his wide-sleeves over them and turned to look down the well. The strange sunlight ebbing from above glinted down certain spots down the well, strange drops of silver glitters dancing around inside. He cringed at the smell of salt and the soft whisper Kagome had self-proclaimed to him.

He dug his claws unto the wood and growled lowly, the wind unexpectedly turning up. He ignored the sounds his sharp hearing could hear. He ignored the smell his sharp nose could scent. He ignored the sharp sight of his eyes as he closed them tightly; thinking how he had had done the right thing.

_I'm sorry. I didn't have a choice. You were... smiling. And the way you faked it... it hurt me. I-I'm sorry... Kagome. _

'**Well... there's still Kikyou.**'

He paused to look over the well again.

_Kagome..._

He couldn't think about anything or anyone but her. He couldn't stop thinking about her. He only wanted to be with her. Only her. And now that she had left him possibly for good... what was he to do now?

'**There's Kikyou.**'

_What about her?_

'**Well... Kagome wants you to be with Kikyou, right?**'

_Yeah... and...?_

Sarcasm reached his thoughts.

'**Aaand... Maaybe... you should _go_ to her then?**'

Inuyasha frowned and still observed the dark well. Without thinking, he reached out a hand to grab the darkness inside. He wanted to extend and grab her, he wanted to just hold on to her and never let go. Unfortunately, that dream never happened.

Frowning, he pulled his hand back slowly, wondering what in the hell he was doing. He could've sworn he had seen Kagome's hand reaching to snatch him. But it was something he knew would never happen again.

_Go to Kikyou. I should go to Kikyou now. Kagome wants me to. I can't deny her anymore. I can never deny her. _

He delayed to gaze down the well one last time, a look of desiring longing in his eyes, a longing and ache that ebbed away his fake form.

He pursed his lips as her divine scent started fading away, crying a soft protest as leaned over the well, frantically trying to find her scent in his nose.

_N—No! I'm losing it! _

He tried to move forward a little farther but his thoughts stopped him to his tracks.

'**No.**'

He paused and straightened his back, still glaring down.

'**Don't break her promise.**'

_I know. _

He gradually turned around and started walking towards Kaede's hut, his face shadowed underneath his bangs. Even now, he missed her terribly. Her absence had already driven his senses crazy and he tried as much as he could to stop them.

'**Aren't you going to say any last words?**'

_No. _

His answer was a reflex, and eh already knew that question would be asked. And his answer was as positive as his voice wasn't.

'**No?**'

_No. _

'**But-**'

_I can't. _

Inuyasha looked at the afternoon sky, that longing still clear in his golden orbs. He closed them afterwards and persisted his walk, softly smelling that scent which slowly faded and faded and faded... until it was suddenly gone and that would be his heart's cue to cry out in anger.

And if he were to say good-bye... she would nevercome back.

**—  
Having you glope for love while making an innocent face  
The courageous me is being childish  
I've already realized how stubborn I'm being  
But the more I love you, the more it gets in the way  
My sweet emotion  
—**

And he didn't want that to happen. No... he would never say goodbye to her. And if he were to do so... he wouldn't see her ever again. Unbearable yet willing, Inuyasha turned around and walked away.

_I love you, Kagome. Only **you**._

* * *

The End. 


	7. discontinued sequel

** MORE THAN WANTED: _AND SHE SAID "GOODBYE"_ (SEQUEL)**

**

* * *

**

if you scroll down to my fanfic list, you'll see my inuyasha fanfic sequel _and she said "Goodbye"_ gone. I got tired of doing it, and frankly, didn't want to do it. So i'll let you all readers know what it was about and write the answers from more than wanted:

* * *

**1) **yes, Inuyasha thinks the Shikon no Tama is 'finished' when, actually... it is. There's one shard left and the only bearer of that last shard is: Kikyou. 

**2)**Kikyou walked undead to kill Inuyasha yet decided to go after Naraku instead. Now that he's been killed, there's no more reason to walk dead on the earth no more. But there was still one thing she had to do.

**3)** quote: _"Since I have grown this new power," Kikyou began, "it has connected me precisely to your soul and heart. Sometimes, I wish I had not obtained it. But it is the only thing that will keep me walking upon this earth. You know that, do you not?" / __ "With these new powers, I cannot gain anymore. For if I do and must I live precisely, my further reason is for you're own to figure out and myself. I cannot capture such obsession. Please, I cannot." / After Naraku's death, I am able to gather new power to extend my position. I can now be alive. Souls are useless to me now, unless I am drained out of my power. With this new power I have united, I can be a human again. I don't have to be a..._  
It means shes recieving more power from the shard.

**4)** when she mentions about a 'trial' between Kagome and Inuyasha, it means she testing Inuyasha's to choose between her and Kagome. Dumb as he is, Inuyasha chose Kikyou. Problem is... Kikyou didn't want him to. Her persuasions were merely a test to him. (God, he's stupid)

**5)** Kagome goes back in her time. No more than a month passes and she goes crazy (not literally crazy) and in desperate to go back to the feudal era. 500 years from her time, Inuyasha's feeling the same, too. Kikyou knows, but he doesn't know that she knows...

**6)**After several days of reminiscing, Inuyasha encounters Kagome to the place they first met, the Goshinboku. The hug comes, and all that lovey dovey _"Kagome..." _/ _"Inuyasha..."_ they always do (Jeez...). He asks her - practically begs her - to come and stay in his and Kikyou's new home. She says yes and what he doesn't know is that Kikyou's already asked her before he did. What miracles new powers can do... -.-;

**7)** Events happen... blah blah blah, and Inuyasha's come to decide that Kagome's affected to him more than Kikyou had, even when she was alive.

**8) **Kikyou looks relieve and tell them about the trial between the two. She tells Inuyasha the Jewel isn't yet completed and, expected, the hanyou's stunned.

**9)**She goes and reaches her hand and jostles it through her dead chest, and to what was suppose to be her heart (ashes and rotten), a glowing shard exposes. She hand it to Kagome and Kagome puts it back with the rest of the Jewel. Before leaving Inuyasha forever, she ask him what his wish was. Inuyasha tells her that he wishes for her peace but Kikyou says that she already has that.

**10)** Being stupid as he is, Inuyasha wishes for it instead (quote to what was suppose to be my future fanfic: _"You never had your wish with me fulfilled. I'm sorry we couldn't have a family. I'm sorry we couldn't be together forever. I'm sorry about anything I did or was assume I did. Shikon Jewel, make Kikyou happy again."_) Kikyou thanks them and before she disappears, she gets these visions that were never there, visions that she always wanted. And, alas, she is finally gone.

Inuyasha and Kagome lives happily ever after, the well still opened, with her knowing Miroku, Sango, and Shippo's new home.

* * *

Viola! 

And that's how it's done X)


End file.
